MELANCHOLISCH SCHÖN

2 RAUMWOHNUNG - MELANCHOLISCH SCHÖN

And now for something completely different ... Because I am half German, something German also had to be on my blog. This sweet song and superkitsch video as my last post of 2008. Melancholisch schön.

MY HOPES FOR MY COUNTRY

As with all countries 2008 was not such a fantastic year for The Netherlands. Like everywhere else banks threatened to collapse and you were likely to feel depressed after hearing the news almost every single day for the last six months. Of course I hope that it goes better economically in 2009 but my main concern is that the spirit seems to have gone. How can you keep up the spirit if specialists and politicians say day after day that it gets even worse than we ever thought; what do they want to prove and what is the news value of such a statement ? They only want to be in the picture, that's all.

Losing your job is a life-changing experience, of course. But there is more to life - your health, your love, your personality, your spirit, your soul. Believe me, now I am the specialist. It is worse if that goes down the drain too. We have to keep the spirit up, even it is not easy. A lot of people have lost their jobs over the years; did we pity them or did we support them ? It is the tyranny of the masses - it only gets bad if a lot of people are involved. No, it is the individual that counts - every story is different and every life is worth for society as a whole. The last sentence I read during my study of law years ago as a rationale for why committing suicide is a criminal offence. Although I do not agree with the outcome (suicide is in my opinion an individual decision we have to respect) this rationale is so beautiful that it almost convinced me.

For 2009 I hope we are able to look beyond the economic horizon. In my country the liberty of the individual is getting more and more limited: there is the threat of terrorism, partly forced upon us by paranoia; there is the loss of privacy and attacks out of cyberspace; there is the dogma of religion, which I think is still a form of indoctrination and misplaced feeling of superiority; there is the growing hate crime, which is if you belong to a minority giving you the feeling you do not belong in society; there is the increasing dominance of the family, which pushes you as a single individual more aside and there is the growing amount of official bans of all kinds.

I want to live in a country that respects me as an individual and that gives me the courage and the liberty to live up to my potential. Ten years ago Holland was such a country - it was looked upon as a free and controversial country and was a guiding country in the world on issues such as drugs, gay rights, abortion and euthanasia. I was proud that there was an open discussion possible on these issues and that every individual could decide for himself what to do with his life, as long as nobody else was hurt. I can still remember that a lot of people abroad actually thought that we were all taking drugs and that if you are old you were given an injection to die, hilarious.

Ten years later some groups are forcing their fears and their moral superiority upon us and Holland is back in line. The moral majority rules again like in the fifties. Let us decide for ourselves; everyone has the right to make up his own decision. If you make a conscious decision and nobody is hurt - be my guest. Personally I do not care if I go to hell and don't receive 72 virgins ... if you find comfort and wisdom in religion you are lucky; count your blessings but do not bother someone else with it.

Let's hope that in 2009 the influence of conservatism and paternalism will decrease and that the influence of optimism, individualism and liberty will increase. Down to earth: this government has to go. But that is not enough. We as people also have to take our own responsibility; we get the government we deserve. We all made this country into a colourless, dull and boring country.

NEW PERSPECTIVES

As I wrote earlier I decided to quit my job as project coordinator Human Resources for a large Dutch development organisation last year because I felt that I needed a time to reflect to what I want from life. It was not an easy decision and with hindsight I should have taken the decision several years earlier. But OK; there must be a reason for taking this decision last year.

It is refreshing to be able to live your own life for a while and not be taken up by all the meaningless nitty-gritty of working life in a corporate environment. I liked the people though and I really miss the social interaction with colleagues. The last period I took the time to peel off all the layers of dirt, adaptation, and frustration to be able to live the life I want. Now it is time to build it all up. For me having work is essential. I need all the help I can get to reach my goals. Tips, suggestions and job offers (why not?) are welcome at my e-mail address em2@ziggo.nl . Thank you very much,

Marc

What do I want ? I know it is a lot to wish for but I do not expect to realize all of them in one go.

- ACADEMIC

I have got a master degree in International Law of the University of Utrecht (founded 1636), but I never saw myself as a "lawyer". With hindsight it would have been better to have studied History, Literature, Psychology or something similar vague, but OK, within the legal field international law is the discipline closest to moral issues, social justice and questions of war and peace. These issues are far more interesting than whether you violate article so-and-so of the so-and-so Act.
What I need is stimulation of the brain and thinking of new options and better solutions. Being creative on an academic level.

- GENERAL INTEREST

For me it is essential to do something in the general interest. Just working for the money or for myself is too empty; I have to do something that makes sense and "contributes to making the world a better place". Money is of secondary importance - although some cash is more than welcome and good results demand good pay !

- FUTURE-ORIENTED

Learn from the past, live in the present and harvest in the future. I like change and rethinking things; traditions are fine, but if they have no function anymore, chuck them overboard. Times change and what was OK one day does not have to be OK several years later. Try something new !

- "HEAD JOB"

I am a thinker and I like working with my intellect. Besides holding a pen, using my voice and working on the computer there are not a lot of physical skills I am able to use in a work environment. Everyone must do the things he is talented in !

- INTERACTION / COMMUNICATION

If you put me behind a desk and close the door for the day, you are lucky if I am still alive at the end of the day. I like the interaction with people; in meetings, visits, coffee machine-chats or in the pub or restaurant during lunch or after work. Don't put me away. Although I prefer to work alone I need those breaks and interactions to recharge the batteries. Also being a sounding board or trust person is something I love to do: I am critical but tactful and I know how to handle these situations. Communication with others is something I excel at; especially in writing. I really like to produce great letters, reports, memos etcetera not just for the sake of producing it, but to reach goals effectively and efficiently.

- CONCEPT THINKING, INTELLECTUAL CHALLENGE

I am not the person to deal with practical things or to perform executive tasks. These are boring and often based on routine. This is why I hated (excuse me: "disliked") the execution of regulations. I want to make the policy myself and to rethink routine and useless prohibitions. I need a vision, statement, mission etcetera. Why am I doing this and is there a better way to deal with this. Learn new things and keep my mind alive.

- CONSENSUS, NOT CONFLICT

In conflict situations I do not feel comfortable. I am always looking for a solution and how to continue a good working relationship. But when my vital interests are at stake I can be a fighter and will not let go. You can't say I have not warned you !

- PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

What I have learned over the years is that there is no end to learning. Your interests change; the world is not waiting for you, you have to catch up and stay on top of things. I also like to learn new things and new skills. Most important though is not what you can do, but who you are. And I still amaze myself.

- DYNAMIC WORK ENVIRONMENT

No stuffy office buildings please. It has to be open, light and dynamic (literally and metaphorically); in the center, not on the outskirts (also literally and metaphorically). Work environment is very important to me; I felt often enough left outside - I want to participate !

- INTUITION AND REFLECTION

Often I have to think things through; not to make decisions too swiftly. To be able to put something away for a moment or two and in the meantime my intuition tells me whether it is OK or whether something has to be changed. Because of my experience and strong intuition I can rely on my own judgment, but it often needs some time and/or a nights' sleep.

- INDEPENDANCE

My own projects to work on and, preferably, my own decisions to make. Of course you are part of an organisation and you respect the rules of the game, but being incorporated in bureaucratic decision-making procedures and being completely dependant on the input of others for every step you take and every decision you make is for me not ideal, to say it mildly. Give me some space to breath !

- INTERNATIONAL

It may not come as a surprise; this component is very important to me. In fact it is the only constant factor in my career. I do not want to get stuck to one single place or country; the world is larger and I want to enjoy it. This does not mean that I want to travel the whole time (although "Tapetenwechsel" some time, would be nice), but it means that there should be an outlook on and interaction with global or at least European developments. It is not difficult for me to adapt to a different environment; I can easily find me way anywhere and I know my languages. Because I do not have people who depend on me, I am mobile and flexible.

- GAY-FRIENDLY

It is obvious that I do not like to work in an environment which does not accept me for who I am. Of course you could say that I should ignore this and be simply myself. You are right, but I am not a crusader and I have to pick my battles. I am not Don Quichote fighting the windmills.

-

RESPECTABLE CHOICE

Today in the supermarket it was the first occasion where I had to put into practice my boycot. I had to choose between coffee from Ethiopia or Brazil (or no coffee at all; no option for me though). It is time for a "respectable" choice ! Brazilian coffee it is going to be; Ethiopia is on my blacklist. I will not bother you with all the choices I have to make while doing my grocery shopping, but this first one is to be remembered. They got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil !

FRANK SINATRA - THE COFFEE SONG

BOOKS: DE CEL

After finishing the New York Trilogy by Paul Auster (you have to get yourself adapted to his writing style but once you get the hang of it, it is fascinating: especially the last story "The Locked Room"), I picked up a Dutch thriller: "Cel" by Charles den Tex. Normally I do not read thrillers, but this one got very good reviews and the author won three times the "Gouden Strop" (the Golden Noose) for the best Dutch thriller of the year, including "Cel". According to his website he lives in The Hague - the city of suspense (well, not really).

Michael Bellicher is witness to a mysterious fatal car accident. After being interrogated he is arrested to his own surprise. It is not clear why, but the police is convinced that it is Michael who they should be after. Michael has no clue what it is all about. Everything he says turns out to be against his own interest. He is being transferred to a small police station in a rural area with two ruthless police officers, a bizarre charge, inescapable evidence and even a lawyer who does not believe him. Mistaken identity ?

By the way: that reminds me of another book on mistaken identity: "Talk Talk" (2006) by T.C. Boyle. Great book, I enjoyed every minute of it. If "Cel" only has half of that quality I am already satisfied.

http://www.crime.nl/auteurs/tex.html

TIME CAPSULE

Today I have uploaded 4 pictures of myself in my home in The Hague as a sort of time capsule of 2008. Why ? I don't know: I simply thought it was a nice idea. Why not give a tribute to myself; again a year mastered and I am doing relatively well.

TOO CONTROVERSIAL

It is not that often that I am proud of my country. Yesterday France and The Netherlands took the initiative to a UN declaration seeking to decriminalize homosexuality, which is a memorable event because it appears the first initiative to do so. Yes, the first. At first, I thought I did not read it correctly; no mistake, in all those years this was the first time that countries "dared" to come up with such a declaration. Shocking, but true !

First though I owe you an apology. At several occasions I stated that I did not want to turn this blog into a blog on gay issues, but there are such a lot of developments that I can not keep silent. I hope you understand ! Sure you do.

OK. The declaration condemned human rights violations based on homophobia, saying such measures run counter to the universal declaration of human rights. After reading the UN Declaration for Human Rights it is, in my opinion, not possible to conclude otherwise. Look at the first three articles:

"Article 1.

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Article 2.

Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.

Article 3.

Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person."

Where is the spirit of brotherhood; what right to life, liberty and security of person ? What is so controversial about that ? Only 66 countries supported the initiative (mainly European and Latin-American states) even though it was not a UN resolution and therefore not binding. It is not a surprise that the Vatican and Islamic states were not among those states, but what about US, Russia and China ? What are they afraid of or do they want to preserve their "right to discriminate"?

The bloody limit is that 60 states supported an opposing statement which rejected the idea that sexual orientation was a matter of genetic coding and that the effort threatened to undermine the international framework of human rights by trying to normalize pedophilia, among other acts. I take this as a personal insult ! As if people deliberately choose to live in fear and risk to be stoned, hanged, decapitated and tortured ! How dumb people can be - it makes me angry and sad !

For 2009 I decided to boycot those states in which homosexuality is banned (80) and in which it is subject to the death penalty (9; Mauretania, Nigeria, Sudan, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Saudi-Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Yemen). Those states will not lose any sleep over it, I know, but I have to do this out of selfrespect. It will not be manageable to check for every banana or every liter of petrol where it is from; my best must be good enough. And don't come up with the argument that the peoples of those countries will suffer from boycots. In my opinion this is paternalism; you can not hide behind ignorance. Respect has nothing to do with poverty !

My world is getting smaller and smaller (no more holidays to Africa and Asia) and I want it to grow !

THE BLACKLIST:

AFRICA:
Algeria, Angola, Benin, Botswana, Cameroon, Cape Verde, Djibouti, Egypt, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Gambia, Ghana, Guinea, Kenya, Liberia, Libya, Malawi, Mauretania, Mauritius, Morocco, Mozambique, Namibia, Nigeria, Senegal, Seychelles, Somalia, Sudan, Swaziland, Tanzania, Togo, Tunisia, Uganda, Zambia, Zimbabwe;

AMERICAS:
Barbados, Grenada, Guyana, Jamaica, Nicaragua, Saint Kitts, Saint Lucia, Trinidad;

ASIA:
Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, Brunei, Burma, Cook Islands, India, Kiribati, Malaysia, Maldives, Marshall Islands, Nepal, Pakistan, Papua New Guinea, Singapore, Solomon Islands, Sri Lanka, Tonga, Turkmenistan, Tuvalu, Uzbekistan, Western Samoa;

EUROPE:
none (yes, even the Vatican);

MIDDLE EAST:
Bahrain, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Lebanon, Oman, Palestine, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Syria, United Arab Emirates, Yemen;

http://www.sodomylaws.org/world/world.htm
http://www.amnesty.org/en/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/19/world/19nations.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=United%20Nations&st=cse
http://www.hrw.org/en/news/2008/12/18/un-general-assembly-statement-affirms-rights-all

TRAVEL FROM YOUR CHAIR

Traveling was always a dream of me. Often I wandered in my mind through the world and I hoped that one day I would be able to see it all with my own eyes. Now I have less money to spend I have to keep on dreaming. Sometimes it is also better to dream; when you actually get there it is usually disappointing. Because of globalization the whole world seems to work in the same way; once you know your way around a big city you can manage all big cities, whether you speak the language or not. Easy, but less romantic.

Google Earth is a great help to keep on dreaming. Since I have downloaded the free version I have traveled to every corner of the world to see what it is like overthere. After a while I discovered the "routes"-element (I have got the Dutch version, so I do not know how it is called in English). If you type in a fictional itinerary (f.e. from The Hague to Berlin) you can actually feel how it is to drive along this route (birds' eye view); especially in mountainous areas it is very lifelike. The Netherlands therefore is not such a very good showcase. Incredible what technology makes possible nowadays. I learn every day !

http://earth.google.com/intl/nl/

FEEL LIKE DANCING ?

FREEMASONS FEAT. KATHERINE ELLIS - WHEN YOU TOUCH

Once in a while you hear a song that makes you want to dance around the house. This is one of those ! Do like me: take the hoover or the mob out and while dancing you'll have your house cleaned (play the song more than once, otherwise you do a lousy job). Addictive video as well.

TRIBUTE TO MY FATHER

This Wednesday December 17 my father will turn 71. I don't think he will like this age, because he feels and looks much younger. As I decided not to upload pictures of persons on my blog for protection of privacy I have collected some pictures that, placed together, give to me an accurate picture of who my father is and what he likes to do. As a tribute !!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

MELANCHOLY

Every year in December I get a little melancholic. Another year ends, nothing happened, what did I promise myself in January ? Why is it that everybody seems to achieve things and I am not getting ahead in life. Of course these thoughts are not very stimulating to get through the last few weeks of the year, but it keeps popping up in my head over and over again.


Of course something happened in 2008 - I got more confident and I got more comfortable with who I am and want to be in life. But now I want to harvest (and quick ...). I took baby steps and may be I am too anxious to take bigger steps. Nothing is more unreliable as the human mind. One day you have brilliant ideas and the next day you think these ideas are rubbish. But OK, baby steps are steps too and to force yourself to go ahead is not always the right method.


I banned "have to" and "must" from my vocabulary. These verbs are putting outside pressure on you. You don't have to do anything; that is just outside pressure - you have to because your parents want it, your psychologist would like it or the Unemployment Agency demands it. Sometimes it is necessary to do things to stay alive or function, but most of the things you're not forced to do. I am at the steering wheel of my life; even when I drove the car into a ditch ...


I replace "have to" and "must" by "want" or "desire" - these words give me much more energy and gives me power from inside. Though the question what I want or desire for my life is one of the most difficult questions you can ask me. I simply don't know; I always did what I was expected to do and I hardly ever asked myself what I would like. It sounds ridiculous. What was I thinking all those years ?


On several occasions I took a sheet of paper and sat down to write down what I really, really would like. Immediately all the limitations pop into my head - what would my friends and family say? How would I earn my money? I invested so much in my study - do I have to give it up? Result is that you are never completely satisfied. It is not right, something is missing ! Frustration sets in and I tried different methods: meditation, career coach, psychologist etcetera. All to help me define what I want in life.


Writing this down I realize myself that it would not have been possible for me to write this down one year ago (giant step; it immediately makes me proud). Of course it makes me vulnerable, but who cares - it is authentic and that is what I wanted to be (another giant step; I feel better and better).


OK; now I feel better about myself, but the question what I want is still not answered. And if there are answers, they are never the same. If my self-image changes also my desires change. That makes it so frustrating. When do you know if you are really your true self ?


For 2009 I finally want to fill in the empty sheet and I am confident that I will succeed. Get rid of the framework and fill in how I want my life to be: a fulfilling job, a nice (and fulfilling) boy-friend and, in general, a positive feeling about myself. It is a huge effort and I do need support.


And there is a next major hurdle: financial crisis, job losses, rising discrimination of gays. The media are not very helpful in staying positive these days. Come on people, we need positivity !! We know it is not going that well, but it is not helping if we do not give eachother hope and understanding. Everyone has his or her own battle to fight; we have to get inspired and passionate and get rid of the superficiality and negativity of daily life. That is what I hope for myself and for all of you.


Writing it down is the first step, the rest will follow.

2009 2009 2009
2009 2009 2009
2009 2009 2009

2009 is going to be my year. I wish everyone all the best for the new year, but it is now my turn and no one will take it away from me !!

TODAY I AM SAD

Dear reader,

I made a promise to myself to only write positive things on my weblog and I do not want to break that promise. But today I am sad; not just a little bit sad - you could say very sad. I can not ignore it; it is a part of me which I can not deny and which has partly made me to what I am today. A simple Monday; the weather is grey - everyone is going to work and I am just thinking: "what is the use of it all ?". In a few weeks another year will start and I will say to myself "this is going to be my year" and the intentions and the drive are there, but no one is waiting for me and I do not want to depend on the saddening world around me. I want also change !! Some fresh new people, ideals, drive, passion, companionship and the next year I am sure I will work to get these. Sometimes though all hope leaves me and this is one of those days. It will go better in a few days, I know as well. How can I get back on track and be true to myself:

• spend some time getting to know myself;


• act;


• conquer fear: take risks;


• stand up for myself;


• set personal goals;


• express my emotions;


• learn from - or let go of - mistakes;


• do things on my own - do not rely on others to make you feel good;


• do not compare myself to others;


• associate with people who affirm who you are;


• learn to say "no";


• practice truthfulness;


• practice positive affirmations;


• find things I enjoy;


• use visualization techniques;


• enhance my ability to cope with stress;


• shun perfectionism;


• make a list of my accomplishments;


• live in the moment;


• do things for others;

OK, I have got it. Let's do it !! Next time I feel better. Till then,

Marc

LET'S TAKE A WALK

RAPHAEL SAADIQ - LET'S TAKE A WALK

Last week I heard this song on the radio and I was immediately hooked. The singer is completely unknown to me. It swings from start to finish. Enjoy !

STRANGE FRUIT

Usually I do not listen to song texts. The rhythm and the emotion must come across and what they are actually singing I could not care less. If you translate the English texts into my mother tongue Dutch it is often so empty and banal that you might wish they would sing Southern Patagonian, if that language exists.

As a counterweight to the happy song by Sonny J that I posted a week ago (what it is about, I have got no idea - I have to relisten to it) I have now found on YouTube two versions of the same song, the text of which is not possible to ignore; such bitterness and tragedy. "Strange Fruit", one version by Billy Holiday and one by Nina Simone; two of my favorite singers. Very impressive and it cuts you right through the heart.

Nina Simone said once "the ugliest song I have ever heard"; especially her version touches me. It makes you think to what cruelty mankind is capable; to think that these times are over is in my view a misconception. As soon as people are uncertain or in distress they look for scapegoats and gather behind a leader with a rigid ideology (or religion), and the whole thing starts all over again. It is of all times. People, think independent !!

I had some problems to get both videos uploaded, mainly because the Nina Simone was taken off YouTube yesterday. Pity, but OK we don't want to violate the rights of the makers. That's why I had to take the only other version I found; a sort of homemade video, but ignore it if you do not like it.

Thanks to those who make the effort to place these videos on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_BMZmp9Puc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4ZyuULy9zs