MELANCHOLISCH SCHÖN

2 RAUMWOHNUNG - MELANCHOLISCH SCHÖN

And now for something completely different ... Because I am half German, something German also had to be on my blog. This sweet song and superkitsch video as my last post of 2008. Melancholisch schön.

MY HOPES FOR MY COUNTRY

As with all countries 2008 was not such a fantastic year for The Netherlands. Like everywhere else banks threatened to collapse and you were likely to feel depressed after hearing the news almost every single day for the last six months. Of course I hope that it goes better economically in 2009 but my main concern is that the spirit seems to have gone. How can you keep up the spirit if specialists and politicians say day after day that it gets even worse than we ever thought; what do they want to prove and what is the news value of such a statement ? They only want to be in the picture, that's all.

Losing your job is a life-changing experience, of course. But there is more to life - your health, your love, your personality, your spirit, your soul. Believe me, now I am the specialist. It is worse if that goes down the drain too. We have to keep the spirit up, even it is not easy. A lot of people have lost their jobs over the years; did we pity them or did we support them ? It is the tyranny of the masses - it only gets bad if a lot of people are involved. No, it is the individual that counts - every story is different and every life is worth for society as a whole. The last sentence I read during my study of law years ago as a rationale for why committing suicide is a criminal offence. Although I do not agree with the outcome (suicide is in my opinion an individual decision we have to respect) this rationale is so beautiful that it almost convinced me.

For 2009 I hope we are able to look beyond the economic horizon. In my country the liberty of the individual is getting more and more limited: there is the threat of terrorism, partly forced upon us by paranoia; there is the loss of privacy and attacks out of cyberspace; there is the dogma of religion, which I think is still a form of indoctrination and misplaced feeling of superiority; there is the growing hate crime, which is if you belong to a minority giving you the feeling you do not belong in society; there is the increasing dominance of the family, which pushes you as a single individual more aside and there is the growing amount of official bans of all kinds.

I want to live in a country that respects me as an individual and that gives me the courage and the liberty to live up to my potential. Ten years ago Holland was such a country - it was looked upon as a free and controversial country and was a guiding country in the world on issues such as drugs, gay rights, abortion and euthanasia. I was proud that there was an open discussion possible on these issues and that every individual could decide for himself what to do with his life, as long as nobody else was hurt. I can still remember that a lot of people abroad actually thought that we were all taking drugs and that if you are old you were given an injection to die, hilarious.

Ten years later some groups are forcing their fears and their moral superiority upon us and Holland is back in line. The moral majority rules again like in the fifties. Let us decide for ourselves; everyone has the right to make up his own decision. If you make a conscious decision and nobody is hurt - be my guest. Personally I do not care if I go to hell and don't receive 72 virgins ... if you find comfort and wisdom in religion you are lucky; count your blessings but do not bother someone else with it.

Let's hope that in 2009 the influence of conservatism and paternalism will decrease and that the influence of optimism, individualism and liberty will increase. Down to earth: this government has to go. But that is not enough. We as people also have to take our own responsibility; we get the government we deserve. We all made this country into a colourless, dull and boring country.

NEW PERSPECTIVES

As I wrote earlier I decided to quit my job as project coordinator Human Resources for a large Dutch development organisation last year because I felt that I needed a time to reflect to what I want from life. It was not an easy decision and with hindsight I should have taken the decision several years earlier. But OK; there must be a reason for taking this decision last year.

It is refreshing to be able to live your own life for a while and not be taken up by all the meaningless nitty-gritty of working life in a corporate environment. I liked the people though and I really miss the social interaction with colleagues. The last period I took the time to peel off all the layers of dirt, adaptation, and frustration to be able to live the life I want. Now it is time to build it all up. For me having work is essential. I need all the help I can get to reach my goals. Tips, suggestions and job offers (why not?) are welcome at my e-mail address em2@ziggo.nl . Thank you very much,

Marc

What do I want ? I know it is a lot to wish for but I do not expect to realize all of them in one go.

- ACADEMIC

I have got a master degree in International Law of the University of Utrecht (founded 1636), but I never saw myself as a "lawyer". With hindsight it would have been better to have studied History, Literature, Psychology or something similar vague, but OK, within the legal field international law is the discipline closest to moral issues, social justice and questions of war and peace. These issues are far more interesting than whether you violate article so-and-so of the so-and-so Act.
What I need is stimulation of the brain and thinking of new options and better solutions. Being creative on an academic level.

- GENERAL INTEREST

For me it is essential to do something in the general interest. Just working for the money or for myself is too empty; I have to do something that makes sense and "contributes to making the world a better place". Money is of secondary importance - although some cash is more than welcome and good results demand good pay !

- FUTURE-ORIENTED

Learn from the past, live in the present and harvest in the future. I like change and rethinking things; traditions are fine, but if they have no function anymore, chuck them overboard. Times change and what was OK one day does not have to be OK several years later. Try something new !

- "HEAD JOB"

I am a thinker and I like working with my intellect. Besides holding a pen, using my voice and working on the computer there are not a lot of physical skills I am able to use in a work environment. Everyone must do the things he is talented in !

- INTERACTION / COMMUNICATION

If you put me behind a desk and close the door for the day, you are lucky if I am still alive at the end of the day. I like the interaction with people; in meetings, visits, coffee machine-chats or in the pub or restaurant during lunch or after work. Don't put me away. Although I prefer to work alone I need those breaks and interactions to recharge the batteries. Also being a sounding board or trust person is something I love to do: I am critical but tactful and I know how to handle these situations. Communication with others is something I excel at; especially in writing. I really like to produce great letters, reports, memos etcetera not just for the sake of producing it, but to reach goals effectively and efficiently.

- CONCEPT THINKING, INTELLECTUAL CHALLENGE

I am not the person to deal with practical things or to perform executive tasks. These are boring and often based on routine. This is why I hated (excuse me: "disliked") the execution of regulations. I want to make the policy myself and to rethink routine and useless prohibitions. I need a vision, statement, mission etcetera. Why am I doing this and is there a better way to deal with this. Learn new things and keep my mind alive.

- CONSENSUS, NOT CONFLICT

In conflict situations I do not feel comfortable. I am always looking for a solution and how to continue a good working relationship. But when my vital interests are at stake I can be a fighter and will not let go. You can't say I have not warned you !

- PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

What I have learned over the years is that there is no end to learning. Your interests change; the world is not waiting for you, you have to catch up and stay on top of things. I also like to learn new things and new skills. Most important though is not what you can do, but who you are. And I still amaze myself.

- DYNAMIC WORK ENVIRONMENT

No stuffy office buildings please. It has to be open, light and dynamic (literally and metaphorically); in the center, not on the outskirts (also literally and metaphorically). Work environment is very important to me; I felt often enough left outside - I want to participate !

- INTUITION AND REFLECTION

Often I have to think things through; not to make decisions too swiftly. To be able to put something away for a moment or two and in the meantime my intuition tells me whether it is OK or whether something has to be changed. Because of my experience and strong intuition I can rely on my own judgment, but it often needs some time and/or a nights' sleep.

- INDEPENDANCE

My own projects to work on and, preferably, my own decisions to make. Of course you are part of an organisation and you respect the rules of the game, but being incorporated in bureaucratic decision-making procedures and being completely dependant on the input of others for every step you take and every decision you make is for me not ideal, to say it mildly. Give me some space to breath !

- INTERNATIONAL

It may not come as a surprise; this component is very important to me. In fact it is the only constant factor in my career. I do not want to get stuck to one single place or country; the world is larger and I want to enjoy it. This does not mean that I want to travel the whole time (although "Tapetenwechsel" some time, would be nice), but it means that there should be an outlook on and interaction with global or at least European developments. It is not difficult for me to adapt to a different environment; I can easily find me way anywhere and I know my languages. Because I do not have people who depend on me, I am mobile and flexible.

- GAY-FRIENDLY

It is obvious that I do not like to work in an environment which does not accept me for who I am. Of course you could say that I should ignore this and be simply myself. You are right, but I am not a crusader and I have to pick my battles. I am not Don Quichote fighting the windmills.

-

RESPECTABLE CHOICE

Today in the supermarket it was the first occasion where I had to put into practice my boycot. I had to choose between coffee from Ethiopia or Brazil (or no coffee at all; no option for me though). It is time for a "respectable" choice ! Brazilian coffee it is going to be; Ethiopia is on my blacklist. I will not bother you with all the choices I have to make while doing my grocery shopping, but this first one is to be remembered. They got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil !

FRANK SINATRA - THE COFFEE SONG

BOOKS: DE CEL

After finishing the New York Trilogy by Paul Auster (you have to get yourself adapted to his writing style but once you get the hang of it, it is fascinating: especially the last story "The Locked Room"), I picked up a Dutch thriller: "Cel" by Charles den Tex. Normally I do not read thrillers, but this one got very good reviews and the author won three times the "Gouden Strop" (the Golden Noose) for the best Dutch thriller of the year, including "Cel". According to his website he lives in The Hague - the city of suspense (well, not really).

Michael Bellicher is witness to a mysterious fatal car accident. After being interrogated he is arrested to his own surprise. It is not clear why, but the police is convinced that it is Michael who they should be after. Michael has no clue what it is all about. Everything he says turns out to be against his own interest. He is being transferred to a small police station in a rural area with two ruthless police officers, a bizarre charge, inescapable evidence and even a lawyer who does not believe him. Mistaken identity ?

By the way: that reminds me of another book on mistaken identity: "Talk Talk" (2006) by T.C. Boyle. Great book, I enjoyed every minute of it. If "Cel" only has half of that quality I am already satisfied.

http://www.crime.nl/auteurs/tex.html

TIME CAPSULE

Today I have uploaded 4 pictures of myself in my home in The Hague as a sort of time capsule of 2008. Why ? I don't know: I simply thought it was a nice idea. Why not give a tribute to myself; again a year mastered and I am doing relatively well.

TOO CONTROVERSIAL

It is not that often that I am proud of my country. Yesterday France and The Netherlands took the initiative to a UN declaration seeking to decriminalize homosexuality, which is a memorable event because it appears the first initiative to do so. Yes, the first. At first, I thought I did not read it correctly; no mistake, in all those years this was the first time that countries "dared" to come up with such a declaration. Shocking, but true !

First though I owe you an apology. At several occasions I stated that I did not want to turn this blog into a blog on gay issues, but there are such a lot of developments that I can not keep silent. I hope you understand ! Sure you do.

OK. The declaration condemned human rights violations based on homophobia, saying such measures run counter to the universal declaration of human rights. After reading the UN Declaration for Human Rights it is, in my opinion, not possible to conclude otherwise. Look at the first three articles:

"Article 1.

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Article 2.

Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.

Article 3.

Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person."

Where is the spirit of brotherhood; what right to life, liberty and security of person ? What is so controversial about that ? Only 66 countries supported the initiative (mainly European and Latin-American states) even though it was not a UN resolution and therefore not binding. It is not a surprise that the Vatican and Islamic states were not among those states, but what about US, Russia and China ? What are they afraid of or do they want to preserve their "right to discriminate"?

The bloody limit is that 60 states supported an opposing statement which rejected the idea that sexual orientation was a matter of genetic coding and that the effort threatened to undermine the international framework of human rights by trying to normalize pedophilia, among other acts. I take this as a personal insult ! As if people deliberately choose to live in fear and risk to be stoned, hanged, decapitated and tortured ! How dumb people can be - it makes me angry and sad !

For 2009 I decided to boycot those states in which homosexuality is banned (80) and in which it is subject to the death penalty (9; Mauretania, Nigeria, Sudan, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Saudi-Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Yemen). Those states will not lose any sleep over it, I know, but I have to do this out of selfrespect. It will not be manageable to check for every banana or every liter of petrol where it is from; my best must be good enough. And don't come up with the argument that the peoples of those countries will suffer from boycots. In my opinion this is paternalism; you can not hide behind ignorance. Respect has nothing to do with poverty !

My world is getting smaller and smaller (no more holidays to Africa and Asia) and I want it to grow !

THE BLACKLIST:

AFRICA:
Algeria, Angola, Benin, Botswana, Cameroon, Cape Verde, Djibouti, Egypt, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Gambia, Ghana, Guinea, Kenya, Liberia, Libya, Malawi, Mauretania, Mauritius, Morocco, Mozambique, Namibia, Nigeria, Senegal, Seychelles, Somalia, Sudan, Swaziland, Tanzania, Togo, Tunisia, Uganda, Zambia, Zimbabwe;

AMERICAS:
Barbados, Grenada, Guyana, Jamaica, Nicaragua, Saint Kitts, Saint Lucia, Trinidad;

ASIA:
Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, Brunei, Burma, Cook Islands, India, Kiribati, Malaysia, Maldives, Marshall Islands, Nepal, Pakistan, Papua New Guinea, Singapore, Solomon Islands, Sri Lanka, Tonga, Turkmenistan, Tuvalu, Uzbekistan, Western Samoa;

EUROPE:
none (yes, even the Vatican);

MIDDLE EAST:
Bahrain, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Lebanon, Oman, Palestine, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Syria, United Arab Emirates, Yemen;

http://www.sodomylaws.org/world/world.htm
http://www.amnesty.org/en/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/19/world/19nations.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=United%20Nations&st=cse
http://www.hrw.org/en/news/2008/12/18/un-general-assembly-statement-affirms-rights-all

TRAVEL FROM YOUR CHAIR

Traveling was always a dream of me. Often I wandered in my mind through the world and I hoped that one day I would be able to see it all with my own eyes. Now I have less money to spend I have to keep on dreaming. Sometimes it is also better to dream; when you actually get there it is usually disappointing. Because of globalization the whole world seems to work in the same way; once you know your way around a big city you can manage all big cities, whether you speak the language or not. Easy, but less romantic.

Google Earth is a great help to keep on dreaming. Since I have downloaded the free version I have traveled to every corner of the world to see what it is like overthere. After a while I discovered the "routes"-element (I have got the Dutch version, so I do not know how it is called in English). If you type in a fictional itinerary (f.e. from The Hague to Berlin) you can actually feel how it is to drive along this route (birds' eye view); especially in mountainous areas it is very lifelike. The Netherlands therefore is not such a very good showcase. Incredible what technology makes possible nowadays. I learn every day !

http://earth.google.com/intl/nl/

FEEL LIKE DANCING ?

FREEMASONS FEAT. KATHERINE ELLIS - WHEN YOU TOUCH

Once in a while you hear a song that makes you want to dance around the house. This is one of those ! Do like me: take the hoover or the mob out and while dancing you'll have your house cleaned (play the song more than once, otherwise you do a lousy job). Addictive video as well.

TRIBUTE TO MY FATHER

This Wednesday December 17 my father will turn 71. I don't think he will like this age, because he feels and looks much younger. As I decided not to upload pictures of persons on my blog for protection of privacy I have collected some pictures that, placed together, give to me an accurate picture of who my father is and what he likes to do. As a tribute !!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

MELANCHOLY

Every year in December I get a little melancholic. Another year ends, nothing happened, what did I promise myself in January ? Why is it that everybody seems to achieve things and I am not getting ahead in life. Of course these thoughts are not very stimulating to get through the last few weeks of the year, but it keeps popping up in my head over and over again.


Of course something happened in 2008 - I got more confident and I got more comfortable with who I am and want to be in life. But now I want to harvest (and quick ...). I took baby steps and may be I am too anxious to take bigger steps. Nothing is more unreliable as the human mind. One day you have brilliant ideas and the next day you think these ideas are rubbish. But OK, baby steps are steps too and to force yourself to go ahead is not always the right method.


I banned "have to" and "must" from my vocabulary. These verbs are putting outside pressure on you. You don't have to do anything; that is just outside pressure - you have to because your parents want it, your psychologist would like it or the Unemployment Agency demands it. Sometimes it is necessary to do things to stay alive or function, but most of the things you're not forced to do. I am at the steering wheel of my life; even when I drove the car into a ditch ...


I replace "have to" and "must" by "want" or "desire" - these words give me much more energy and gives me power from inside. Though the question what I want or desire for my life is one of the most difficult questions you can ask me. I simply don't know; I always did what I was expected to do and I hardly ever asked myself what I would like. It sounds ridiculous. What was I thinking all those years ?


On several occasions I took a sheet of paper and sat down to write down what I really, really would like. Immediately all the limitations pop into my head - what would my friends and family say? How would I earn my money? I invested so much in my study - do I have to give it up? Result is that you are never completely satisfied. It is not right, something is missing ! Frustration sets in and I tried different methods: meditation, career coach, psychologist etcetera. All to help me define what I want in life.


Writing this down I realize myself that it would not have been possible for me to write this down one year ago (giant step; it immediately makes me proud). Of course it makes me vulnerable, but who cares - it is authentic and that is what I wanted to be (another giant step; I feel better and better).


OK; now I feel better about myself, but the question what I want is still not answered. And if there are answers, they are never the same. If my self-image changes also my desires change. That makes it so frustrating. When do you know if you are really your true self ?


For 2009 I finally want to fill in the empty sheet and I am confident that I will succeed. Get rid of the framework and fill in how I want my life to be: a fulfilling job, a nice (and fulfilling) boy-friend and, in general, a positive feeling about myself. It is a huge effort and I do need support.


And there is a next major hurdle: financial crisis, job losses, rising discrimination of gays. The media are not very helpful in staying positive these days. Come on people, we need positivity !! We know it is not going that well, but it is not helping if we do not give eachother hope and understanding. Everyone has his or her own battle to fight; we have to get inspired and passionate and get rid of the superficiality and negativity of daily life. That is what I hope for myself and for all of you.


Writing it down is the first step, the rest will follow.

2009 2009 2009
2009 2009 2009
2009 2009 2009

2009 is going to be my year. I wish everyone all the best for the new year, but it is now my turn and no one will take it away from me !!

TODAY I AM SAD

Dear reader,

I made a promise to myself to only write positive things on my weblog and I do not want to break that promise. But today I am sad; not just a little bit sad - you could say very sad. I can not ignore it; it is a part of me which I can not deny and which has partly made me to what I am today. A simple Monday; the weather is grey - everyone is going to work and I am just thinking: "what is the use of it all ?". In a few weeks another year will start and I will say to myself "this is going to be my year" and the intentions and the drive are there, but no one is waiting for me and I do not want to depend on the saddening world around me. I want also change !! Some fresh new people, ideals, drive, passion, companionship and the next year I am sure I will work to get these. Sometimes though all hope leaves me and this is one of those days. It will go better in a few days, I know as well. How can I get back on track and be true to myself:

• spend some time getting to know myself;


• act;


• conquer fear: take risks;


• stand up for myself;


• set personal goals;


• express my emotions;


• learn from - or let go of - mistakes;


• do things on my own - do not rely on others to make you feel good;


• do not compare myself to others;


• associate with people who affirm who you are;


• learn to say "no";


• practice truthfulness;


• practice positive affirmations;


• find things I enjoy;


• use visualization techniques;


• enhance my ability to cope with stress;


• shun perfectionism;


• make a list of my accomplishments;


• live in the moment;


• do things for others;

OK, I have got it. Let's do it !! Next time I feel better. Till then,

Marc

LET'S TAKE A WALK

RAPHAEL SAADIQ - LET'S TAKE A WALK

Last week I heard this song on the radio and I was immediately hooked. The singer is completely unknown to me. It swings from start to finish. Enjoy !

STRANGE FRUIT

Usually I do not listen to song texts. The rhythm and the emotion must come across and what they are actually singing I could not care less. If you translate the English texts into my mother tongue Dutch it is often so empty and banal that you might wish they would sing Southern Patagonian, if that language exists.

As a counterweight to the happy song by Sonny J that I posted a week ago (what it is about, I have got no idea - I have to relisten to it) I have now found on YouTube two versions of the same song, the text of which is not possible to ignore; such bitterness and tragedy. "Strange Fruit", one version by Billy Holiday and one by Nina Simone; two of my favorite singers. Very impressive and it cuts you right through the heart.

Nina Simone said once "the ugliest song I have ever heard"; especially her version touches me. It makes you think to what cruelty mankind is capable; to think that these times are over is in my view a misconception. As soon as people are uncertain or in distress they look for scapegoats and gather behind a leader with a rigid ideology (or religion), and the whole thing starts all over again. It is of all times. People, think independent !!

I had some problems to get both videos uploaded, mainly because the Nina Simone was taken off YouTube yesterday. Pity, but OK we don't want to violate the rights of the makers. That's why I had to take the only other version I found; a sort of homemade video, but ignore it if you do not like it.

Thanks to those who make the effort to place these videos on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_BMZmp9Puc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4ZyuULy9zs

BOOKS: THE NEW YORK TRILOGY

What am I reading these days? I plan to keep you up-to-date on the books I am reading. At the moment I have got the time to read and I do like a lot of different styles and genres: literature as well as non-fiction. My favorites are classics and current literature, especially modern American literature.

OK; now I have started reading Paul Auster's "the New York Trilogy", which was publicized in 1987 as a collective of three experimental detective stories: City of Glass (1985), Ghosts (1986) and The locked room (1986). I have not finished it yet, but I can already say that these are not conventional detective stories; they have a deeper meaning that go beyond finding suspects and evidence. It is called a mixture between the detective story and the "nouveau roman". And that is what it is: a detective story with a twist. I still have to get into it, but I am sure the stories will grasp me; usually I do not mistake in choosing books to read. Wikipedia has the following resume of the three stories http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_New_York_Trilogy :

City of Glass
The first story, City of Glass, features a detective-fiction writer-cum-private investigator who descends into madness as he becomes embroiled in a case. It explores layers of identity and reality, from Paul Auster the writer of the novel to the unnamed "author" who reports the events as reality to "Paul Auster the writer", a character in the story, to "Paul Auster the detective", who may or may not exist in the novel, to Peter Stillman the younger to Peter Stillman the elder and, finally, to Daniel Quinn, the protagonist.

Ghosts
The second story, Ghosts, is about a private eye called Blue who is investigating a man named Black for a client named White. Black and White turn out to be the same person, a writer who is writing a story about Blue watching him.

The Locked Room
The Locked Room is the story of a writer who lacks the creativity to produce fiction. Fanshawe, his childhood friend has produced creative work, and when he disappears the writer publishes his work and replaces him in his family. While trying to deal with their relationship, he discovers his creative gift, and it emerges that he is the author of the three stories of the trilogy. The title is a reference to a "locked room mystery", a popular form of early detective fiction.

Other interesting websites on Paul Auster:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/jun/10/paulauster
http://www.nagasaki-gaigo.ac.jp/ishikawa/amlit/a/auster21.htm

JUST A HAPPY SONG

SONNY J - I CAN'T STOP MOVING

Problems, problems. What problems ?! It is time for a happy song; this one always makes me feel good and brings a smile to my face.

REGENERATE YOUR BRAIN: MEDITATION

Sometimes you get in a few days time the same message from different sides; this is clearly a sign that you have to do something with it. Unfortunately the message never says what exactly you have to do with it: that you have to figure it out yourself. So be creative.


With me this happened over the last few days with the issue of identity. On Sunday I read an article on identities of immigration groups in the US (as part of my study of American history), on Monday I had an interview with my career coach which touched this subject and on Tuesday I had a chat over lunch with a friend of mine and it all came down to the same bottom-line: what do you want to be in life, how do you allow yourself to be what you really are and how can you achieve these insights. Tough questions which need an answer. I am not a therapist, but experienced it first hand, so maybe I have got the authority to say something about what helped me in this matter.


Some people might never ask themselves these questions. Not me. I struggled very hard with them over a very long period; in the end I decided to quit my job and make a shift. This was a very tough decision to make and sometimes I still doubt whether it was the right decision. I can not go back anymore; it would be betrayal to myself. The decision to quit my job created the much required space in my head to be creative and be spiritual; the everyday nitty-gritty of a stressful job is often such a loss of time and inspiration. The decision also created problems like loss of income, status etc., but that is a whole other story.


OK; now you have time and less stress, what to do with it ? First, there comes the issue of identity. In our world it is not important who the person IS, but what the person DOES. The system judges you on what you contribute to society and which function you have. If you do not have a job, you are seen as a mooch and an outcast and not of value. Luckily not by everyone; there are also people who have seen your struggle or understand the phase you are going through. Treasure these people, because they are a big help in making you feel strong and confident. You feel soon enough in which category the people you meet fall; it is best to limit the encounters with persons of the non-understanding category. They make you feel bad and doubt the decisions you make or the path you take.


So build a fence for self-protection, but do not shut everybody out. There is your own space and your own thinking which is now hitting you full in the face. What now and who is the real me ? Besides therapy (in my opinion always useful) personality theories, like I mentioned earlier, have helped me a lot to understand myself and others around me. The most valuable lesson was that every type of person has his own fears and challenges and that no one is better than the other. What also helped me was yoga and meditation.


I read in an article in Der Spiegel, a German news magazine http://www.spiegel.de/wissenschaft/mensch/0,1518,592597,00.html , that now scientifically has been proved that meditation helps to push back stress and even regenerates your brain by building new brain cells. The functioning of the brain has always fascinated me. In fact it is nice, that science proved that meditation actually works, but in fact I knew it already, and with me millions of people around the globe.


Meditating is not easy and I worked out for myself which type of meditation helped me best. I am not looking for a spiritual or even religious experience, but simply to feel what my deepest ME is or wants. The first trick you have to learn is to think of nothing and that is hard. Questions pop into your mind or you are still too jumpy to sit or lay on the floor. In those cases limit your time or simply postpone. What helped me was if someone guides you through meditation; you can concentrate on the voice and simply follow. Experience with meditation also helps to empty your mind.


Thinking of nothing is already relaxing; I wanted to use meditation though to get some answers. Sometimes just things pop into your head (remember them !!) or it is also useful to write down or pose yourself a specific question and then go into meditation. For me a meditation of max. 10 minutes is best (otherwise you postpone because it costs you too much time) and if no answers come into your mind: bad luck, try again. If an idea or brainwave comes up I can immediately feel if it is genuine or not. For example, the idea to start a blog also came up in meditation and although I at first instance could not see the use of starting a weblog I did it anyway and it really helps me to get things out of my head and be creative. A useful website to start: http://www.learningmeditation.com/room.htm


TIP: Picture an animal to ask your questions to and hear what the animal tells you. Because I am originally from a forest area, that animal is a deer for me. Imagining a person does not work. Last tip: do not tell anyone that an animal has given you the answers; it is really YOU and you want to keep your reputation.

IT GOES UP IN SMOKE

Today I got very irritated by the ongoing discussion in my country on the prohibition to smoke in bars and restaurants. Since the 1st of July it is not allowed to smoke in bars and restaurants, but in practice a lot of bars do allow smoking even though they are heavily fined. Earlier it has been prohibited in offices and other places where people work. I am not a smoker but why prohibit everything ?

People know that smoking is bad for their health and smokers make a conscience choice to smoke; who are we as the public, through our representatives in parliament, to tell them that they should not smoke. Paternalistic ! I want to live in a free country, where you should be free to do whatever you like as long as it does not hurt others and you don´t bring yourself in a dangerous situation unknowingly, for example children. We will die anyway; why not choose how and when to do it. But you must be willing to also accept the consequences: the medical costs directly related to smoking and a shorter life.

OK; of course there are non-smokers in the bar who are also affected by the nicotine-fumes. But you do not have to go to a bar; this is also a choice. If there was a market for non-smoke bars, these bars would have been created a long time ago.

As a jurist I studied the judicial system and came across a lot of baloney provisions. That´s why I do not see myself as a "proper" lawyer; in my opinion a system only works with basic provisions to regulate the system and sees to it that these basic provisions are observed. If you want to bring society ahead, society should have the freedom to develop itself and not be restricted by bureaucratic procedures. Anyway, we do not have enough police officers and other government staff to enforce all these regulations and nobody is willing to pay extra money. This creates irritation, inequality and is detrimental to governmental and legal authority.

Do not let the moral majority rule this country (certainly not a religious moral majority) !! I want to decide myself ; I am sensible and I know what I am doing. That´s that !!

THE AIR THAT I BREATH

AIR - ALL I NEED

One of my all-time favourite tunes; had to be included in my blog. Slow and relaxed. Excellent and stylish video. Especially the skateboard in the halfpipe on the rhythm of the music; very well done.

A QUESTION OF PERSONALITY

Time for something serious and something personal. I have spent a long time to figure out who I am. This sounds quite dramatic and maybe it is. It has cost me a lot of energy and emotions to get and to stay on the right track. Over the years I got more and more interested in personality theories, which helped me considerably to get a clearer view on things; the first one that crossed my path was the Enneagram. The Enneagram describes nine distinct personality types and their interrelationships, mapped arount an ancient symbol of perpetual motion.

At first I thought it was a kind of horoscope, in which for every sign of the zodiac was defined who you are and what the future has in store for you. And combined with the fact that its ancient roots are lying in the Sufi-tradition, I thought "Help, I am getting trapped in thoughts of some kind of illustrous sect". But the next thought was: "I am a sensible guy and I have got some brains left, so they do not get a grip on me."" Okay, a lot of thoughts, why not give it a shot.

After reading a description of the nine different personality types I was and to a certain extent I still am convinced that it still is a valuable means to start you thinking on who you are and where you fit in. But like a horoscope you can recognize yourself in almost half of the descriptions. For me two things were valuable insights: first, every person has its strengths and weaknesses, fears and hopes and although they are different no person is "better" or more "valuable" than the other and second, descriptions make you think on whether some elements are applicable to you and which are not. It sounds pretty straight forward, but I realise now that a lot of people never ask themselves these questions.

Everyone has to find out for himself which type suits one best; there are a lot of websites which you can visit on this. For example the wikipedia-site on the Enneagram gives a nice, although very short, overview of the nine types:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enneagram_of_Personality


I was in doubt whether I would be a "one" or a "four" but in the end the "four" suited me best.
Description from the wikipedia web site:

Fours

The attention of Fours goes to what is missing and desired, to loss, to emotions, to drama, and to longing for the ideal and distant — thus, the sense that the heart is broken or damaged in some way. The defensive coping strategy centers around focusing on what is missing or lost as a way of avoiding feelings related to the hope for an idealized connection that may go unfulfilled.

There is a focus on what is distant, special, and desired and an aversion to the ordinary, the mundane, and the everyday reality of what is. Major traits include a desire to feel special or unique, a concern with authenticity, a preoccupation with the search for the ideal forms of love or connection, and a wistful pleasure with melancholy. Unlike some other types, Fours tend to be comfortable with emotions and can be sensitive to the emotional tone of situations and relationships.
Strengths: Fours can be emotionally strong, authentic, artistic, and sensitive.
Challenges: Fours can be entitled, dramatic, dissatisfied in relationships, and depressed.
Ego fixation: melancholy
Holy idea: origin
Passion/Vice: envy
Virtue: equanimity (=evenness in temper)

It goes too far to give you a full-fletched psychological analysis of myself - this is the internet and I don't know what kind of loonies (no offense!) are reading my blog. Maybe in due time you can recognize this type four in the posts on my blog.

OK. That's one personality theory. The other one which crossed my path is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) which is based on the typological theories of Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung.

In his theories persons are born with a certain basic personality (in my words now), which they keep their whole life; something like the color of their eyes. Based on the four distinctions between Extraversion (E) and Intraversion (I), Sensing (S) and iNtuition (N), Thinking (T) and Feeling (F), Judgment (J) and Perception (P) Myers-Briggs distinguished 16 personality types. Although the Wikipedia-site gives a good first overview of the 16 types the best website on MBTI is http://www.personalitypage.com/

Also with this theory: take the elements that help you define yourself and get to know yourself. No single person can completely fit into the discription of one type; it would be a boring world. Take what suits you, forget about the rest. And ... do not forget all the negative things; these also are part of your personality and you have to be realistic.

The INFP-type suited me best. The description on the wikipedia-website:

The polite, reserved exterior of INFPs can at first make them difficult to get to know. They enjoy conversation, however, taking particular delight in the unusual. When INFPs are in a sociable mood, their humor and charm shine through. Disposed to like people and to avoid conflict, INFPs tend to make pleasant company.

Devoted to those in their inner circle, INFPs guard the emotional well-being of others, consoling those in distress. Guided by their desire for harmony, INFPs prefer to be flexible unless their ethics are violated. Then, they become passionate advocates for their beliefs. They are often able to sway the opinions of others through tact, diplomacy, and an ability to see varying sides of an issue.

INFPs develop these insights through reflection, and they require substantial time alone to ponder and process new information. While they can be quite patient with complex material, they are generally bored by routine. Though not always organized, INFPs are meticulous about things they value. Perfectionists, they may have trouble completing a task because it cannot meet their high standards. They may even go back to a completed project after the deadline so they can improve it.

INFPs are creative types and often have a gift for language. As Introverts, they may prefer to express themselves through writing. Their dominant Feeling drives their desire to communicate, while their auxiliary iNtuition supplies the imagination. Having a talent for symbolism, they enjoy metaphors and similes. They continually seek new ideas and adapt well to change. They prefer working in an environment that values these gifts and allows them to make a positive difference in the world, according to their personal beliefs.

So, now you know me. That saves a lot of explaining and writing. You may have read that I like to express myself through writing and I think a good writer should know when to stop. I think this is now.

THE ART OF THE XX-CENTURY

In my introduction you could read that I am a lover of art, especially modern art. Everything that surprises me or starts me thinking is a source of inspiration; beautiful or ugly does not matter. At this moment only an inspiration for my mind; although I would like to find some kind of artistic outlet, I can not decide which form to choose. Wait a minute ..., a weblog is also a kind of artistic outlet !

OK. Earlier this week I went to see an exhibition with an overview on the art of the XX-century in the Gemeentemuseum (Municipal Museum) here in The Hague, mainly with works of the museum and all the big names: Van Gogh, Monet, Degas, Picasso, Mondriaan, Bacon, Stella, Warhol, Paik, Richter and so on. I had seen them all before, but if you look at them in a chronological order, you see the developments more clearly and as usual, the lay-out of the exhibition is always special at the Gemeentemuseum; by the way - the architecture of the building is very special too. To be seen !!!



The Gemeentemuseum is a museum of international standard with an outstanding collection of works of modern art (mainly first half of the 20th century). The link to the website of the museum:



http://www.gemeentemuseum.nl/index.php?id=1&langId=en



Be sure to spend some time relaxing in café Gember next to the museum with a large terrace overlooking the pond. One

of my daytime-favorites!

CALIFORNIA DREAMIN´

This is not a blog on gay issues and it will not be a blog on gay issues. But after what happened in California on proposition No.8 last week, I had to write another post on the American elections. Although gay myself I was at first instance not such a strong supporter of same-sex marriages. Not because of religious beliefs or gays should be denied the right to marry, but why do the same as the heteros; we are different and also this should be done different. That gays should be given the same civil rights as any other group in society is for me self-evident; why should it be different ?! It is totally irrelevant whether this is realized by marriage, registered partnership or simply by being able to be who you are. To say it in different words, the video below. Very strong and for everyone to remember. OK; enough USA for a while - let them sort it out themselves; we have got our own problems on this side of the Atlantic.

Keith Olbermann: Gay Marriage Is a Question of Love
http://www.gaytvblog.com/2008/11/keith-olberman.html

WILL IT CHANGE ?

As a part-time student American history it is more than logical that I would write a post on the American elections. Because they are today I have to hurry; there is not much time left.


Finally, finally, the elections have come: and we outside the US can not even vote. We can only hope that the Americans have a clear mind and do not make the same mistake for the third time after 2000 and 2004. The last years were one big inspiration for satire TV and for nothing and no-one else. So change is needed more than ever.


If you have read my other posts on the weblog you will not be surprised that I am not a big fan of McCain. As a non-religious person and a fierce opponent of the death penalty there is no reason whatsoever to vote for a conservative candidate (oh yeah... that is true, I can not vote). Conservatism can never bring change and we need change to be ready for future challenges.


But there is also not much reason to vote for Obama (if I could vote). He is a great motivational speaker, but I actually know more about his grandma and his relatives in Kenya than his views on crucial issues. What change does he want and is this the change I would have wanted ?


I did some research and read that Obama also supports the death penalty, which in my view is a cruel sentence that in no civilized country should be enforced; never. Also the current American legislation on the possession of weapons is not understandable for me. After the bloodshed on the Columbine High School and Virginia Tech one should expect measures to be taken; not in the USA - it is a right of all citizens to carry a weapon and whether kids kill whole school classes or fired employees kill their former boss and colleagues, that is not our problem. They should have bought weapons and have defended themselves ... Also no big changes by Obama here.


Then a third big ethical issue: same-sex marriage. Obama opposes same-sex marriage but says no to initiatives like proposition 8 in California. What is here the big change; it is easy to hide behind state legislation and to not take a stand. At least he is not denying a whole group of citizens their civil rights as McCain does.


Still waiting for the big change ... I suppose we have to find it in the person of Obama, certainly not in his views, although his standpoint on other issues than those mentioned above could be more revolutionary (!?). They will certainly not make him a socialist (or even a social-democrat) or a supporter of terrorism as McCain would like to make us believe.


So in the cradle of capitalism people can choose between two candidates: a conservative and a very conservative candidate. You can choose more brands of peanut butter, not only in the US but even here in the Netherlands.


OK, it is the system, I know, and this system has not changed in the last 200 years and will certainly not change in the next few years. And this voting system might be the best system to get the people back to the voting booth. People can identify with two candidates of flesh and blood. This has the same fascination as Big Brother and the Idols series on TV; once you get to know the people involved you want to know how it all ends and who will win.


But can we put the whole burden of realizing change on the shoulders of one person ? Are we so desperate or is his power that enormous that he can change a whole nation with his motivational talks ? Time for change.


Will Obama fix it ? He might. There is only one who can certainly fix it: YES, HE CAN :