WHY?

Why ? An easy question; often difficult to answer.

Yesterday my bike was stolen, while I was having coffee in a cafe; at 2 PM at a busy street. It was well secured. I still have the key, but that is all I have. Someone took my bike but left all the other bikes where they were. Why ?

I went back in to calm myself down and had a drink on the house (thanks !!). They saw that I was shocked. After half an hour I had my act together, left my address in case my bike was found (you'll never know) and went home by tram. Enough time to think about reporting it to the police. With 1 million bikes stolen each year you could ask yourself whether it is worthwile reporting it. I did it anyway, not because of my hope that my bike will be returned but more to give my mind a rest; I could not simply accept the fact that someone took my property. I recognize my bike; if I see someone riding it ...

OK, that was yesterday. Actually I wanted to write about something else in which the question "why?" played a big role. Last week the nation was in shock that someone attempted an attack on Queen Beatrix and her family in Apeldoorn (the birthplace of my grandfather by the way). It was a strange attempt by driving a car through the crowds towards the bus in which the royal family was transported. I doubt whether it was a serious attempt on her life, because there were no explosives found in the car. But 6 members of the public were killed as well as the driver.

Immediately the question rose why and who was the driver ? The fact that the driver was a loner, who lost his job and was evicted from his home was seen somehow as a relief (thank God it is no muslim terrorist !), but on the other hand how can you protect people from someone who is that desperate that he is prepared to do anything.

Although sad, it is and must be one's own choice to end his or her own life. I only wished that he would have looked for help (and if he wanted to do it anyway, choose another way!). The fact that he took the lives of 6 innocent people can not be excused in anyway. What I do not get is the total surprise?

The Queen is a symbol of the state and Dutch society. As such: if you attack the Queen, you attack society. Some people feel so mistreated by society, that they want revenge, and what simpler than attacking the Queen. You can do the utmost to prevent such attacks, but I am convinced that if someone wants it desperately there is no 100% security.

People deal differently with a personal crisis. For example: one can suffer from a severe depression, one can resort to violence or one can simply accept and go on. I have experienced personal crisis in different stages of my life and I can see the pain someone must have had to actually do this. Do not get me wrong: it is your own personal crisis and others should not suffer from it !!

In such a situation it can be very difficult to be confronted with the wealthy, happy and beautiful people, again symbolized by the Royal Family. "I want to have that, but I have nothing and I will never be someone". You can get so angry that, that someone without self-control is willing to do anything to hurt society.

If you have never experienced a several personal crisis it might be difficult to understand. But society is not for everyone that happy, beautiful and OK world ("Heile Welt") all the time - if you do not see that, you are either ignorant or not capable to feel empathy. I know it is harsh, but I mean well.

Remember what happened yesterday.

A HEAD FULL OF WOOL

The last few days I was not feeling to well. I got a cold and that comes always to me in three phases:

- I: my throat aches;

- II: my nose starts to run;

- III: I have got to cough and can not speak;

At this moment phase two is ending and phase three already has started. Very nice !! It is like having a head full of wool or like a brick in your head. I have got to hold on for several more days and then I am the old me.

This post might not be that interesting for you, but at the moment this is what I am going through. This is life as well.

CUT OFF FROM THE WORLD

Today I ended my subscription to the Volkskrant. Wtih pain in my heart because I had this subscription for almost 18 years; just after I finished university. Besides the fact that I have to cut down on my monthly costs, I noticed that I read less and less; just skimming the headlines.

In these times of crisis I felt bad after reading the newspaper. Everything is deteriorating and even if you know it is going OK, the newspapers always tend to make things catastrophic. If they continue like this they will make it catastrophic for themselves; people do not want to read how bad it is and that it will even be worse in the future.

"Good news is no news"; this is rubbish. Of course you do not have to shut your eyes for what is happening in the world, but informing us that we are in a recession is also no news. Nice; now it is official what everybody already knew.

I will get my news now from the internet and from TV; and I will still buy a newspaper at the supermarket on Thursday (for the cultural agenda) and on Saturday (for the background stories and entertainment).

I will miss my newspaper in the morning, but I will not miss the costs involved and the frustration why I have to read all the shit that is happening in the world. Hope is what we need.

MY HOPES FOR MY COUNTRY

As with all countries 2008 was not such a fantastic year for The Netherlands. Like everywhere else banks threatened to collapse and you were likely to feel depressed after hearing the news almost every single day for the last six months. Of course I hope that it goes better economically in 2009 but my main concern is that the spirit seems to have gone. How can you keep up the spirit if specialists and politicians say day after day that it gets even worse than we ever thought; what do they want to prove and what is the news value of such a statement ? They only want to be in the picture, that's all.

Losing your job is a life-changing experience, of course. But there is more to life - your health, your love, your personality, your spirit, your soul. Believe me, now I am the specialist. It is worse if that goes down the drain too. We have to keep the spirit up, even it is not easy. A lot of people have lost their jobs over the years; did we pity them or did we support them ? It is the tyranny of the masses - it only gets bad if a lot of people are involved. No, it is the individual that counts - every story is different and every life is worth for society as a whole. The last sentence I read during my study of law years ago as a rationale for why committing suicide is a criminal offence. Although I do not agree with the outcome (suicide is in my opinion an individual decision we have to respect) this rationale is so beautiful that it almost convinced me.

For 2009 I hope we are able to look beyond the economic horizon. In my country the liberty of the individual is getting more and more limited: there is the threat of terrorism, partly forced upon us by paranoia; there is the loss of privacy and attacks out of cyberspace; there is the dogma of religion, which I think is still a form of indoctrination and misplaced feeling of superiority; there is the growing hate crime, which is if you belong to a minority giving you the feeling you do not belong in society; there is the increasing dominance of the family, which pushes you as a single individual more aside and there is the growing amount of official bans of all kinds.

I want to live in a country that respects me as an individual and that gives me the courage and the liberty to live up to my potential. Ten years ago Holland was such a country - it was looked upon as a free and controversial country and was a guiding country in the world on issues such as drugs, gay rights, abortion and euthanasia. I was proud that there was an open discussion possible on these issues and that every individual could decide for himself what to do with his life, as long as nobody else was hurt. I can still remember that a lot of people abroad actually thought that we were all taking drugs and that if you are old you were given an injection to die, hilarious.

Ten years later some groups are forcing their fears and their moral superiority upon us and Holland is back in line. The moral majority rules again like in the fifties. Let us decide for ourselves; everyone has the right to make up his own decision. If you make a conscious decision and nobody is hurt - be my guest. Personally I do not care if I go to hell and don't receive 72 virgins ... if you find comfort and wisdom in religion you are lucky; count your blessings but do not bother someone else with it.

Let's hope that in 2009 the influence of conservatism and paternalism will decrease and that the influence of optimism, individualism and liberty will increase. Down to earth: this government has to go. But that is not enough. We as people also have to take our own responsibility; we get the government we deserve. We all made this country into a colourless, dull and boring country.

GLOBAL CRISIS IN THE KITCHEN

Just as I sat down at my desk to write my first real post on how to deal with the global crisis (why not start with the big issues), my fire-alarm went off and there it was: my own personal crisis which needed immediate action. No time to consult the neighbors, the fire brigade, my mother or whoever; I had to deal with a (small) fire in my kitchen myself. Luckily it was quite easy to put it out, but the whole kitchen was filled with smoke and it had such an impact that for the rest of the day I was still shaking: what if the fire alarm would not have gone off or when I would have left my apartment?

OK; this experience made me think. What is it different from the current global financial crisis ? You have a situation that is getting overheated, nobody to control the process, it turns into a fire, the alarms go off, "oh my god" what is happening, fear and panic, drastic measures are taken, the fire is put out, you take a deep breath, you start cleaning up and assess the damage, how could you have been so stupid to let this happen and you take measures to prevent it for the future. It is as simple as that. And we do not need bystanders (read journalists) that constantly tell us how bad it is and that it will even get worse.

As an experienced sufferer of depressions and anxiety attacks I know the influence a constant flow of dramatic messages can have on your psyche. In the past and, in a rare case, even today I let myself get carried away and I slide down the slippery slope; I have now the techniques to counter these attacks (so don't worry) but it still reminds me to be cautious and do not let others overdramatized anxieties rule my thinking. I am the master of my thoughts.

It is not possible to ignore all the signals from the media; even if you do not hear or read them, you can still feel them. And it is not wise too ignore those signs; use them to your own advantage. Sift casually through the information to see what you need and simply take action if you think it is appropriate. The mind is powerful but without action it is more of a burden than a help. Easier said than done ... I still have to learn (... a lot).

There is plenty of time in the future to wonder why you back in 2008 entrusted all your money to that flashy 25-year broker in his € 3.000 Armani suit driving around in a Porsche, who can hardly have experienced the real value of money and takes financial risks that are irresponsible. Or that beautiful Icelandic savings' account for a lousy 1% extra interest.

Then you can laugh about it.