IT'S A CHALLENGE

This week was the first week in my job. I was dead nervous when I started my job. Last week I met my staff and I was not convinced that I would have a click with all of them. Some of them are much older than I am; do they accept me as their manager ?

I started with some practical things; like starting up my computer, make some basic arrangements with my secretary and made up some small talk with every person I met. We went together to lunch, which was also a positive thing to meet people.

On Tuesday I started personal talks of half an hour with members of my staff; just about what they are doing, how they feel about what they are doing and how they see their position within my new organisation. This was a lot of information which I somehow had to place into the big picture.

Tuesday was also the day of the big interruption of train traffic around Utrecht. A hot day and not being able to get back to home has cost me a lot of energy. I had dinner in a restaurant in Utrecht and after an adventurous trip back with stopovers in Gouda and Rotterdam I finally arrived home in The Hague at 22.15. So there was not much left of my day.

Wednesday and Thursday were very hot and everybody was working half force. I met again the second man of the organisation and had a pleasant talk. He convinced me that I am welcome in the organisation and that I am capable to do the tasks assigned to me. It still is a challenge; surely with my history.

As a gay man I still do not feel safe in the organisation. There are a lot of muslims and hindus working and some of them even wear headscarves (even in my own staff) and those are known not to be the most tolerant against gays. Sometimes I feel strong if my rights might be violated, but I do not want to battle. They have to accept me as much as I accept them. Coming out is still too risky, but I do not want to hide it either.

I started to get more acquainted to Dutch immigration law, because I feel that it is necessary to become accepted by the staff, which totally consists of lawyers and specialists. Specialists always still look down upon generalists - but OK, this is their problem; I see the bigger picture. Next week I finally hope to meet my new director; he seems to be charismatic but difficult to get in contact with. Next week more info.

IT IS TOUGH TO BE DIFFERENT

On several occasions I have written that this blog should not be a blog on gay issues. But on the sites I visit there is so much that touches me, that I have to write about it. This time an opinion article on the NY Times web page called "Dude, you have got problems".

http://warner.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/16/who-are-you-calling-gay/#comment-82839

I have written a comment on this:

"It takes courage to be different these days! As a gay man you are constantly confronted with opinions on how the world sees you and, for a considerable part, condemns you. It is not easy but you get used to it.
The fact that some boys are calling other boys “gay” (which is not typically American by the way) of course has to do with showing off each other’s toughness but the fact that this in their opinion has to be done by putting down gays has to be qualified as homophobia. It is not either / or; it is both.
One should recognize that it is the easy way out to adapt to the mainstream. Straight people do not have to find the courage to come out and to find their way in our hetero-dominated society. It is tough to be different!"

IT'S A SHAME

This morning I read on the website of Der Spiegel, that a study of the University College of London (UCL) among psychotherapists in Britain, had produced some surprising results. One in six therapists (17%) has stated that he/she "helped" patients to reduce gay or lesbian feelings, usually through therapy.


I can tell from my own experience that accepting that you belong to a minority that is discriminated against is not easy. Denying it is in the end more damaging than facing it. The fact that it is not visible to see whether someone is gay or not, does not make it easier. Hide it and do not suffer discrimination or simply do what you want to do or want to feel.


In this struggle you want help and not a therapist who brainwashes you with his/her own discriminative or religious feelings against gays. You have trust in them that they know what they are doing and that the therapy is in your best interest. If you are questioning this or if a therapist is questioning your feelings, leave immediately!! You are not taken seriously.


When I read in the article that one therapist has answered that the sexual act between gays can lead to 'mental damage', is the main reason for Aids and HIV, and is simply perverse I do not understand why such a person is accepted as a licensed psychotherapist. It is simply a sign that we are still not taken serious and looked upon as sick people who must be healed.


I am lucky that I am helped by people who do not try to "heal" me, but support me in the battle and stand beside me. Thank God!!

http://www.spiegel.de/wissenschaft/mensch/0,1518,615701,00.html
http://www.biomedcentral.com/1471-244X/9/11/abstract

RESPECTABLE CHOICE

Today in the supermarket it was the first occasion where I had to put into practice my boycot. I had to choose between coffee from Ethiopia or Brazil (or no coffee at all; no option for me though). It is time for a "respectable" choice ! Brazilian coffee it is going to be; Ethiopia is on my blacklist. I will not bother you with all the choices I have to make while doing my grocery shopping, but this first one is to be remembered. They got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil !

FRANK SINATRA - THE COFFEE SONG

TOO CONTROVERSIAL

It is not that often that I am proud of my country. Yesterday France and The Netherlands took the initiative to a UN declaration seeking to decriminalize homosexuality, which is a memorable event because it appears the first initiative to do so. Yes, the first. At first, I thought I did not read it correctly; no mistake, in all those years this was the first time that countries "dared" to come up with such a declaration. Shocking, but true !

First though I owe you an apology. At several occasions I stated that I did not want to turn this blog into a blog on gay issues, but there are such a lot of developments that I can not keep silent. I hope you understand ! Sure you do.

OK. The declaration condemned human rights violations based on homophobia, saying such measures run counter to the universal declaration of human rights. After reading the UN Declaration for Human Rights it is, in my opinion, not possible to conclude otherwise. Look at the first three articles:

"Article 1.

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Article 2.

Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.

Article 3.

Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person."

Where is the spirit of brotherhood; what right to life, liberty and security of person ? What is so controversial about that ? Only 66 countries supported the initiative (mainly European and Latin-American states) even though it was not a UN resolution and therefore not binding. It is not a surprise that the Vatican and Islamic states were not among those states, but what about US, Russia and China ? What are they afraid of or do they want to preserve their "right to discriminate"?

The bloody limit is that 60 states supported an opposing statement which rejected the idea that sexual orientation was a matter of genetic coding and that the effort threatened to undermine the international framework of human rights by trying to normalize pedophilia, among other acts. I take this as a personal insult ! As if people deliberately choose to live in fear and risk to be stoned, hanged, decapitated and tortured ! How dumb people can be - it makes me angry and sad !

For 2009 I decided to boycot those states in which homosexuality is banned (80) and in which it is subject to the death penalty (9; Mauretania, Nigeria, Sudan, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Saudi-Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Yemen). Those states will not lose any sleep over it, I know, but I have to do this out of selfrespect. It will not be manageable to check for every banana or every liter of petrol where it is from; my best must be good enough. And don't come up with the argument that the peoples of those countries will suffer from boycots. In my opinion this is paternalism; you can not hide behind ignorance. Respect has nothing to do with poverty !

My world is getting smaller and smaller (no more holidays to Africa and Asia) and I want it to grow !

THE BLACKLIST:

AFRICA:
Algeria, Angola, Benin, Botswana, Cameroon, Cape Verde, Djibouti, Egypt, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Gambia, Ghana, Guinea, Kenya, Liberia, Libya, Malawi, Mauretania, Mauritius, Morocco, Mozambique, Namibia, Nigeria, Senegal, Seychelles, Somalia, Sudan, Swaziland, Tanzania, Togo, Tunisia, Uganda, Zambia, Zimbabwe;

AMERICAS:
Barbados, Grenada, Guyana, Jamaica, Nicaragua, Saint Kitts, Saint Lucia, Trinidad;

ASIA:
Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, Brunei, Burma, Cook Islands, India, Kiribati, Malaysia, Maldives, Marshall Islands, Nepal, Pakistan, Papua New Guinea, Singapore, Solomon Islands, Sri Lanka, Tonga, Turkmenistan, Tuvalu, Uzbekistan, Western Samoa;

EUROPE:
none (yes, even the Vatican);

MIDDLE EAST:
Bahrain, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Lebanon, Oman, Palestine, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Syria, United Arab Emirates, Yemen;

http://www.sodomylaws.org/world/world.htm
http://www.amnesty.org/en/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/19/world/19nations.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=United%20Nations&st=cse
http://www.hrw.org/en/news/2008/12/18/un-general-assembly-statement-affirms-rights-all

CALIFORNIA DREAMIN´

This is not a blog on gay issues and it will not be a blog on gay issues. But after what happened in California on proposition No.8 last week, I had to write another post on the American elections. Although gay myself I was at first instance not such a strong supporter of same-sex marriages. Not because of religious beliefs or gays should be denied the right to marry, but why do the same as the heteros; we are different and also this should be done different. That gays should be given the same civil rights as any other group in society is for me self-evident; why should it be different ?! It is totally irrelevant whether this is realized by marriage, registered partnership or simply by being able to be who you are. To say it in different words, the video below. Very strong and for everyone to remember. OK; enough USA for a while - let them sort it out themselves; we have got our own problems on this side of the Atlantic.

Keith Olbermann: Gay Marriage Is a Question of Love
http://www.gaytvblog.com/2008/11/keith-olberman.html

SPANISH FURY

As a new blogger I tend to scan all the news items that reach my ear or eye for potential posting. I had planned to write today about the presidential elections in the US (almost the only issue in the papers anyway) but then I decided to write about Queen Sofia of Spain. Oh my God, I hear you think - do I want to know. May be you need to know.


This morning I found somewhere at the bottom of a page of my newspaper a small article on a newly published biography of Queen Sofia of Spain. Normally not such an interesting event if it did not cause such a stir in Spain. Queen Sofia lines up with a lot of other public and non-public figures who consider it necessary to express negative and discriminatory comments on gays. I will not repeat them. You can read them in the links I provide at the end of this article.

After furious protests in Spain, she off course denied to have ever said such things; she was misquoted etc. Why have people the idea that it is OK to express such hurtful things and get away with it ? "I did not mean it", "I was misinterpreted"; and everything is forgotten. Sometimes I have the impression that they are even surprised that it leads to commotion; "does not everyone believe this?". A simple answer: No. Thank God.

In the last week I read, without even looking for it, several similar articles: about a priest in London, who wanted all gays tattooed with a warning for sodomy, and a member of parliament in Canada, who wanted all gays executed (what sick mind yes, you read it will: executed). And the UK and Canada are civilized countries. If it was not that sad, I could have laughed about such ridiculous remarks.

What is this ? What have we (yes, we) done to deserve this ? Is this fear, hate, ignorance, religious extremism, looking for publicity ? We will never know because they all practice hit and run tactics: express insulting thoughts and then not be available for discussion and not taking responsibility. Why do we have to put up with this ?

Off course they have a right to express their opinion, but they can do that with respect and no offense. Especially public figures, like the Queen of Spain who represents (and is paid by) the citizens of her country, should be extra careful. In the end, the Queen was backed up by Government and that is a shame, because the Zapatero administration has an impressive record on gay rights' issues and fighting the dominance of the Catholic church. Spain can be proud of its achievements in this field; they have come a long way. Maybe behind close doors a few harsh words will be said ...

Well, that is written and it feels good !! Now I can go to bed.

http://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/0,1518,587673,00.html
http://www.elpais.com/articulo/espana/Gobierno/sale/defensa/impecable/papel/Reina/elpepuesp/20081031elpepunac_4/Tes