2009 2009 2009
2009 2009 2009
2009 2009 2009

2009 is going to be my year. I wish everyone all the best for the new year, but it is now my turn and no one will take it away from me !!

TODAY I AM SAD

Dear reader,

I made a promise to myself to only write positive things on my weblog and I do not want to break that promise. But today I am sad; not just a little bit sad - you could say very sad. I can not ignore it; it is a part of me which I can not deny and which has partly made me to what I am today. A simple Monday; the weather is grey - everyone is going to work and I am just thinking: "what is the use of it all ?". In a few weeks another year will start and I will say to myself "this is going to be my year" and the intentions and the drive are there, but no one is waiting for me and I do not want to depend on the saddening world around me. I want also change !! Some fresh new people, ideals, drive, passion, companionship and the next year I am sure I will work to get these. Sometimes though all hope leaves me and this is one of those days. It will go better in a few days, I know as well. How can I get back on track and be true to myself:

• spend some time getting to know myself;


• act;


• conquer fear: take risks;


• stand up for myself;


• set personal goals;


• express my emotions;


• learn from - or let go of - mistakes;


• do things on my own - do not rely on others to make you feel good;


• do not compare myself to others;


• associate with people who affirm who you are;


• learn to say "no";


• practice truthfulness;


• practice positive affirmations;


• find things I enjoy;


• use visualization techniques;


• enhance my ability to cope with stress;


• shun perfectionism;


• make a list of my accomplishments;


• live in the moment;


• do things for others;

OK, I have got it. Let's do it !! Next time I feel better. Till then,

Marc

LET'S TAKE A WALK

RAPHAEL SAADIQ - LET'S TAKE A WALK

Last week I heard this song on the radio and I was immediately hooked. The singer is completely unknown to me. It swings from start to finish. Enjoy !

STRANGE FRUIT

Usually I do not listen to song texts. The rhythm and the emotion must come across and what they are actually singing I could not care less. If you translate the English texts into my mother tongue Dutch it is often so empty and banal that you might wish they would sing Southern Patagonian, if that language exists.

As a counterweight to the happy song by Sonny J that I posted a week ago (what it is about, I have got no idea - I have to relisten to it) I have now found on YouTube two versions of the same song, the text of which is not possible to ignore; such bitterness and tragedy. "Strange Fruit", one version by Billy Holiday and one by Nina Simone; two of my favorite singers. Very impressive and it cuts you right through the heart.

Nina Simone said once "the ugliest song I have ever heard"; especially her version touches me. It makes you think to what cruelty mankind is capable; to think that these times are over is in my view a misconception. As soon as people are uncertain or in distress they look for scapegoats and gather behind a leader with a rigid ideology (or religion), and the whole thing starts all over again. It is of all times. People, think independent !!

I had some problems to get both videos uploaded, mainly because the Nina Simone was taken off YouTube yesterday. Pity, but OK we don't want to violate the rights of the makers. That's why I had to take the only other version I found; a sort of homemade video, but ignore it if you do not like it.

Thanks to those who make the effort to place these videos on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_BMZmp9Puc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4ZyuULy9zs

BOOKS: THE NEW YORK TRILOGY

What am I reading these days? I plan to keep you up-to-date on the books I am reading. At the moment I have got the time to read and I do like a lot of different styles and genres: literature as well as non-fiction. My favorites are classics and current literature, especially modern American literature.

OK; now I have started reading Paul Auster's "the New York Trilogy", which was publicized in 1987 as a collective of three experimental detective stories: City of Glass (1985), Ghosts (1986) and The locked room (1986). I have not finished it yet, but I can already say that these are not conventional detective stories; they have a deeper meaning that go beyond finding suspects and evidence. It is called a mixture between the detective story and the "nouveau roman". And that is what it is: a detective story with a twist. I still have to get into it, but I am sure the stories will grasp me; usually I do not mistake in choosing books to read. Wikipedia has the following resume of the three stories http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_New_York_Trilogy :

City of Glass
The first story, City of Glass, features a detective-fiction writer-cum-private investigator who descends into madness as he becomes embroiled in a case. It explores layers of identity and reality, from Paul Auster the writer of the novel to the unnamed "author" who reports the events as reality to "Paul Auster the writer", a character in the story, to "Paul Auster the detective", who may or may not exist in the novel, to Peter Stillman the younger to Peter Stillman the elder and, finally, to Daniel Quinn, the protagonist.

Ghosts
The second story, Ghosts, is about a private eye called Blue who is investigating a man named Black for a client named White. Black and White turn out to be the same person, a writer who is writing a story about Blue watching him.

The Locked Room
The Locked Room is the story of a writer who lacks the creativity to produce fiction. Fanshawe, his childhood friend has produced creative work, and when he disappears the writer publishes his work and replaces him in his family. While trying to deal with their relationship, he discovers his creative gift, and it emerges that he is the author of the three stories of the trilogy. The title is a reference to a "locked room mystery", a popular form of early detective fiction.

Other interesting websites on Paul Auster:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/jun/10/paulauster
http://www.nagasaki-gaigo.ac.jp/ishikawa/amlit/a/auster21.htm

JUST A HAPPY SONG

SONNY J - I CAN'T STOP MOVING

Problems, problems. What problems ?! It is time for a happy song; this one always makes me feel good and brings a smile to my face.

REGENERATE YOUR BRAIN: MEDITATION

Sometimes you get in a few days time the same message from different sides; this is clearly a sign that you have to do something with it. Unfortunately the message never says what exactly you have to do with it: that you have to figure it out yourself. So be creative.


With me this happened over the last few days with the issue of identity. On Sunday I read an article on identities of immigration groups in the US (as part of my study of American history), on Monday I had an interview with my career coach which touched this subject and on Tuesday I had a chat over lunch with a friend of mine and it all came down to the same bottom-line: what do you want to be in life, how do you allow yourself to be what you really are and how can you achieve these insights. Tough questions which need an answer. I am not a therapist, but experienced it first hand, so maybe I have got the authority to say something about what helped me in this matter.


Some people might never ask themselves these questions. Not me. I struggled very hard with them over a very long period; in the end I decided to quit my job and make a shift. This was a very tough decision to make and sometimes I still doubt whether it was the right decision. I can not go back anymore; it would be betrayal to myself. The decision to quit my job created the much required space in my head to be creative and be spiritual; the everyday nitty-gritty of a stressful job is often such a loss of time and inspiration. The decision also created problems like loss of income, status etc., but that is a whole other story.


OK; now you have time and less stress, what to do with it ? First, there comes the issue of identity. In our world it is not important who the person IS, but what the person DOES. The system judges you on what you contribute to society and which function you have. If you do not have a job, you are seen as a mooch and an outcast and not of value. Luckily not by everyone; there are also people who have seen your struggle or understand the phase you are going through. Treasure these people, because they are a big help in making you feel strong and confident. You feel soon enough in which category the people you meet fall; it is best to limit the encounters with persons of the non-understanding category. They make you feel bad and doubt the decisions you make or the path you take.


So build a fence for self-protection, but do not shut everybody out. There is your own space and your own thinking which is now hitting you full in the face. What now and who is the real me ? Besides therapy (in my opinion always useful) personality theories, like I mentioned earlier, have helped me a lot to understand myself and others around me. The most valuable lesson was that every type of person has his own fears and challenges and that no one is better than the other. What also helped me was yoga and meditation.


I read in an article in Der Spiegel, a German news magazine http://www.spiegel.de/wissenschaft/mensch/0,1518,592597,00.html , that now scientifically has been proved that meditation helps to push back stress and even regenerates your brain by building new brain cells. The functioning of the brain has always fascinated me. In fact it is nice, that science proved that meditation actually works, but in fact I knew it already, and with me millions of people around the globe.


Meditating is not easy and I worked out for myself which type of meditation helped me best. I am not looking for a spiritual or even religious experience, but simply to feel what my deepest ME is or wants. The first trick you have to learn is to think of nothing and that is hard. Questions pop into your mind or you are still too jumpy to sit or lay on the floor. In those cases limit your time or simply postpone. What helped me was if someone guides you through meditation; you can concentrate on the voice and simply follow. Experience with meditation also helps to empty your mind.


Thinking of nothing is already relaxing; I wanted to use meditation though to get some answers. Sometimes just things pop into your head (remember them !!) or it is also useful to write down or pose yourself a specific question and then go into meditation. For me a meditation of max. 10 minutes is best (otherwise you postpone because it costs you too much time) and if no answers come into your mind: bad luck, try again. If an idea or brainwave comes up I can immediately feel if it is genuine or not. For example, the idea to start a blog also came up in meditation and although I at first instance could not see the use of starting a weblog I did it anyway and it really helps me to get things out of my head and be creative. A useful website to start: http://www.learningmeditation.com/room.htm


TIP: Picture an animal to ask your questions to and hear what the animal tells you. Because I am originally from a forest area, that animal is a deer for me. Imagining a person does not work. Last tip: do not tell anyone that an animal has given you the answers; it is really YOU and you want to keep your reputation.