FEEL LIKE DANCING ?

FREEMASONS FEAT. KATHERINE ELLIS - WHEN YOU TOUCH

Once in a while you hear a song that makes you want to dance around the house. This is one of those ! Do like me: take the hoover or the mob out and while dancing you'll have your house cleaned (play the song more than once, otherwise you do a lousy job). Addictive video as well.

TRIBUTE TO MY FATHER

This Wednesday December 17 my father will turn 71. I don't think he will like this age, because he feels and looks much younger. As I decided not to upload pictures of persons on my blog for protection of privacy I have collected some pictures that, placed together, give to me an accurate picture of who my father is and what he likes to do. As a tribute !!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

MELANCHOLY

Every year in December I get a little melancholic. Another year ends, nothing happened, what did I promise myself in January ? Why is it that everybody seems to achieve things and I am not getting ahead in life. Of course these thoughts are not very stimulating to get through the last few weeks of the year, but it keeps popping up in my head over and over again.


Of course something happened in 2008 - I got more confident and I got more comfortable with who I am and want to be in life. But now I want to harvest (and quick ...). I took baby steps and may be I am too anxious to take bigger steps. Nothing is more unreliable as the human mind. One day you have brilliant ideas and the next day you think these ideas are rubbish. But OK, baby steps are steps too and to force yourself to go ahead is not always the right method.


I banned "have to" and "must" from my vocabulary. These verbs are putting outside pressure on you. You don't have to do anything; that is just outside pressure - you have to because your parents want it, your psychologist would like it or the Unemployment Agency demands it. Sometimes it is necessary to do things to stay alive or function, but most of the things you're not forced to do. I am at the steering wheel of my life; even when I drove the car into a ditch ...


I replace "have to" and "must" by "want" or "desire" - these words give me much more energy and gives me power from inside. Though the question what I want or desire for my life is one of the most difficult questions you can ask me. I simply don't know; I always did what I was expected to do and I hardly ever asked myself what I would like. It sounds ridiculous. What was I thinking all those years ?


On several occasions I took a sheet of paper and sat down to write down what I really, really would like. Immediately all the limitations pop into my head - what would my friends and family say? How would I earn my money? I invested so much in my study - do I have to give it up? Result is that you are never completely satisfied. It is not right, something is missing ! Frustration sets in and I tried different methods: meditation, career coach, psychologist etcetera. All to help me define what I want in life.


Writing this down I realize myself that it would not have been possible for me to write this down one year ago (giant step; it immediately makes me proud). Of course it makes me vulnerable, but who cares - it is authentic and that is what I wanted to be (another giant step; I feel better and better).


OK; now I feel better about myself, but the question what I want is still not answered. And if there are answers, they are never the same. If my self-image changes also my desires change. That makes it so frustrating. When do you know if you are really your true self ?


For 2009 I finally want to fill in the empty sheet and I am confident that I will succeed. Get rid of the framework and fill in how I want my life to be: a fulfilling job, a nice (and fulfilling) boy-friend and, in general, a positive feeling about myself. It is a huge effort and I do need support.


And there is a next major hurdle: financial crisis, job losses, rising discrimination of gays. The media are not very helpful in staying positive these days. Come on people, we need positivity !! We know it is not going that well, but it is not helping if we do not give eachother hope and understanding. Everyone has his or her own battle to fight; we have to get inspired and passionate and get rid of the superficiality and negativity of daily life. That is what I hope for myself and for all of you.


Writing it down is the first step, the rest will follow.

2009 2009 2009
2009 2009 2009
2009 2009 2009

2009 is going to be my year. I wish everyone all the best for the new year, but it is now my turn and no one will take it away from me !!

TODAY I AM SAD

Dear reader,

I made a promise to myself to only write positive things on my weblog and I do not want to break that promise. But today I am sad; not just a little bit sad - you could say very sad. I can not ignore it; it is a part of me which I can not deny and which has partly made me to what I am today. A simple Monday; the weather is grey - everyone is going to work and I am just thinking: "what is the use of it all ?". In a few weeks another year will start and I will say to myself "this is going to be my year" and the intentions and the drive are there, but no one is waiting for me and I do not want to depend on the saddening world around me. I want also change !! Some fresh new people, ideals, drive, passion, companionship and the next year I am sure I will work to get these. Sometimes though all hope leaves me and this is one of those days. It will go better in a few days, I know as well. How can I get back on track and be true to myself:

• spend some time getting to know myself;


• act;


• conquer fear: take risks;


• stand up for myself;


• set personal goals;


• express my emotions;


• learn from - or let go of - mistakes;


• do things on my own - do not rely on others to make you feel good;


• do not compare myself to others;


• associate with people who affirm who you are;


• learn to say "no";


• practice truthfulness;


• practice positive affirmations;


• find things I enjoy;


• use visualization techniques;


• enhance my ability to cope with stress;


• shun perfectionism;


• make a list of my accomplishments;


• live in the moment;


• do things for others;

OK, I have got it. Let's do it !! Next time I feel better. Till then,

Marc

LET'S TAKE A WALK

RAPHAEL SAADIQ - LET'S TAKE A WALK

Last week I heard this song on the radio and I was immediately hooked. The singer is completely unknown to me. It swings from start to finish. Enjoy !

STRANGE FRUIT

Usually I do not listen to song texts. The rhythm and the emotion must come across and what they are actually singing I could not care less. If you translate the English texts into my mother tongue Dutch it is often so empty and banal that you might wish they would sing Southern Patagonian, if that language exists.

As a counterweight to the happy song by Sonny J that I posted a week ago (what it is about, I have got no idea - I have to relisten to it) I have now found on YouTube two versions of the same song, the text of which is not possible to ignore; such bitterness and tragedy. "Strange Fruit", one version by Billy Holiday and one by Nina Simone; two of my favorite singers. Very impressive and it cuts you right through the heart.

Nina Simone said once "the ugliest song I have ever heard"; especially her version touches me. It makes you think to what cruelty mankind is capable; to think that these times are over is in my view a misconception. As soon as people are uncertain or in distress they look for scapegoats and gather behind a leader with a rigid ideology (or religion), and the whole thing starts all over again. It is of all times. People, think independent !!

I had some problems to get both videos uploaded, mainly because the Nina Simone was taken off YouTube yesterday. Pity, but OK we don't want to violate the rights of the makers. That's why I had to take the only other version I found; a sort of homemade video, but ignore it if you do not like it.

Thanks to those who make the effort to place these videos on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_BMZmp9Puc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4ZyuULy9zs