IT IS TOUGH TO BE DIFFERENT

On several occasions I have written that this blog should not be a blog on gay issues. But on the sites I visit there is so much that touches me, that I have to write about it. This time an opinion article on the NY Times web page called "Dude, you have got problems".

http://warner.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/16/who-are-you-calling-gay/#comment-82839

I have written a comment on this:

"It takes courage to be different these days! As a gay man you are constantly confronted with opinions on how the world sees you and, for a considerable part, condemns you. It is not easy but you get used to it.
The fact that some boys are calling other boys “gay” (which is not typically American by the way) of course has to do with showing off each other’s toughness but the fact that this in their opinion has to be done by putting down gays has to be qualified as homophobia. It is not either / or; it is both.
One should recognize that it is the easy way out to adapt to the mainstream. Straight people do not have to find the courage to come out and to find their way in our hetero-dominated society. It is tough to be different!"

GO FOR IT, GIRL!

After a short break (sorry for that!) I like to come back to you with a positive post. I never watch TV talent shows like Idols and the X-factor, because all the contestants seem so mainstream and commercialized. Therefore it is refreshening when someone out of the sidelines defeates them all! Watch Susan Boyle; it is a musical song (I hate musical!) and she looks terrible, but watch the jury and the audience when she starts to sing. Ha!! Looks is not everything and you should not be prejudiced. That is the message.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/apr/16/susan-boyle-britains-got-talent

SUSAN BOYLE - I DREAMED A DREAM

FIRST DAY OF SPRING

http://www.flickr.com/photos/martinsr/3337471271/

Every year it is a special feeling if you can open all the doors and windows of your apartment and breath some fresh air. Today was for me the first day I was able to do that without getting sick of the draft, my carpet wet by the rain or my fingers freezing off by the cold. It was even possible to sit on my balcony to enjoy the sun.

Therefore today, not a post with much content or meaning: simply, enjoy the day and let good feelings enter. Today was also the second day of my newly introduced scheme to speed up looking for a new job; the latest idea is to imagine that my job is to find a new job; so I will start my day at my desk at nine and work until twelve. After a lunch break (2 hours may seem a little bit long, but hey, there is more to life than work) I return to my desk for the afternoon session from two to five.

OK; it is only my second day, but until now it worked; although I start my day with reading some motivational texts to get me, oh wonder, motivated. Let's see how it works in the long run. I have tried now every trick in the book to get going and I know every trick to sabotage myself. This might be an interesting future post, but today I won't let me ruin my day by highlighting my own inefficiency.

The Hague is slowly getting to normal again, after a first day of spring and a hectic Afghanistan conference in town. Helicopters are flying the whole day to keep an eye on the safety in the city and the police is blocking roads and crossings to get delegations to and from the conference. Maybe they have got time tonight to look for the Labrador of Hillary Clinton, which has escaped and is still missing.

CHECKING REGISTRATIONS

The last few weeks I have started to take my political activities up a notch. With the European elections and the community elections coming up this year and next year the political parties are taking up their campaigning activities and so does the party that I joined a year or two ago, D66. As a social-liberal party they have the following guidelines for their political points of view:

- trust in the self-relying power of people;

- think and act international;

- reward performance and share prosperity;

- strive for a sustainable and harmonious society;

- cherish the fundamental rights and shared values;

On paper this is beautiful and very impressive, but in practice it is not always easy to act in line with all these guidelines. In essence, it is completely in line with my own views as a liberal with high regard for the person of the individual in our current society. I joined a working group on public transport in the city of The Hague; I volunteered to be president of a voting office here in town for the European elections on the 4th of June of this year and I volunteered to write some texts for the campaign for the European elections. I would have liked to have contributed to the special D66-web log on the 4th of June but it is not possible and not democratically sound to combine contributing to a web log and president of a voting office. You have to keep these activities carefully separated.

Our member in the European Parliament, Sophie in 't Veld has been very active in the field of gay rights on a European level; she was even arrested during a demonstration in Moscow. I am confident that she will be again chosen to be an MEP; if we can rely on the polls she will be joined by someone else. She will receive my vote because she is also very active in the field of privacy protection, especially vis-à-vis the US.

Later more on my activities.

ELECTRONIC WAVE

It is time for some music again. As a fan of electronic music I was surprised that suddenly non-European bands entered the scene with catchy songs. Electronic music seemed exclusively European. These two songs stuck into my mind; although they are relatively similar, they are not from the same band.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMJjF4LHOkY
EMPIRE OF THE SUN - WALKING ON A DREAM


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtUI5MC9tVM
MGMT - ELECTRIC FEEL


Once again it does not work to upload the youtube files to my blog; is it me or blogger?

IT'S A SHAME

This morning I read on the website of Der Spiegel, that a study of the University College of London (UCL) among psychotherapists in Britain, had produced some surprising results. One in six therapists (17%) has stated that he/she "helped" patients to reduce gay or lesbian feelings, usually through therapy.


I can tell from my own experience that accepting that you belong to a minority that is discriminated against is not easy. Denying it is in the end more damaging than facing it. The fact that it is not visible to see whether someone is gay or not, does not make it easier. Hide it and do not suffer discrimination or simply do what you want to do or want to feel.


In this struggle you want help and not a therapist who brainwashes you with his/her own discriminative or religious feelings against gays. You have trust in them that they know what they are doing and that the therapy is in your best interest. If you are questioning this or if a therapist is questioning your feelings, leave immediately!! You are not taken seriously.


When I read in the article that one therapist has answered that the sexual act between gays can lead to 'mental damage', is the main reason for Aids and HIV, and is simply perverse I do not understand why such a person is accepted as a licensed psychotherapist. It is simply a sign that we are still not taken serious and looked upon as sick people who must be healed.


I am lucky that I am helped by people who do not try to "heal" me, but support me in the battle and stand beside me. Thank God!!

http://www.spiegel.de/wissenschaft/mensch/0,1518,615701,00.html
http://www.biomedcentral.com/1471-244X/9/11/abstract

THE UPS AND DOWNS OF SAN FRANCISCO (4 and final)

I started this short series with only one post in mind; than it was getting more and more and now I am on four posts on the same subject. But don't worry; there will not be more. My last reflections on SF:

it is fun to walk in the supermarket and look at products you do not know at home; I had a talk with the guy at the fish department on a fish called mahi-mahi, supposedly living in the Pacific - completely unknown to me; it was marinated with coconut and macadamia-nuts; surprising combination;

On the last day I took a bus to the beaches of San Francisco on the Pacific side; beautiful cliffs and views; felt like you were somewhere far away from the city; did not see a mahi-mahi though;

Had a chat with Lindsay, the manager of the oyster bar I was before. Is she flirting with me? Got some wine on the house (saved me $ 9 a glass!!); sorry that it was on my last day - she could have shown me a bit of town; promised that I would write positively about here; no reason to do otherwise; Lindsay, you are a great person and sorry it did not work out;

Time to say goodbye; at SF International airport it was a mess; they changed the type of airplane at the last minute; 50 people could not join us for the flight to Washington DC and all the people who checked in on the internet had to check in again; I held on tight to my seat;

Stopover at Washington DC - extremely busy airport; was surprised nobody checked my passport - there are so many security measures and the most basic one, the passport, is not checked; strange;

Had a good flight; found in my suitcase a message of the American authorities that my bag was checked; got annoyed; why not ask me ?; I would have liked to be present; what if they put drugs in my suitcase or take something out? I have got no proof - letter to the ambassador I published on the net before;

Returned safely home. Hope to get back soon. I really enjoyed SF and California.