SING SANG SUNG

It has been a while since I have been putting a blog on this site. I have been very busy with my job and I am sorry to report that it did not work out. I felt encaged and not free to do my thing. So I went for a month to Utrecht and then quit. I had a very good exit interview with the director; he respected my decision and told me that I showed great courage to decide for my own wellbeing. It was not an easy decision but it came from my heart and I have learned to listen to my heart instead of my head.

Last week I had a nervous breakdown and I am now looking towards a dark future; a black tunnel with no end. Bright light will enter after some time, I am sure, but at this moment let there be hope, let there be confidence. Once again a difficult situation.

In the last month I found two songs that I play a lot; one of them is a song of Anthony and the Johnsons with the Metropole Orchestra singing "Crazy in Love". I saw the whole concert and it was fascinating; I was already familiar with Anthony and the Johnsons but to see them live was a whole new experience. Therefore now Anthony and the Johnsons and the Metropole Orchestra in Carre Amsterdam with Crazy in Love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0ob52GyXl4

ANTHONY AND THE JOHNSONS - CRAZY IN LOVE

As I sat in my car returning from Utrecht to The Hague I heard this new song from one of my favorite bands Air. Because the title "Sing sang sang" is very appropriate I decided to add this to my blog today. A very simple song, but a hypnotic video. That is their secret; songs with the simplicity of the 70s, but with the technological aspects of the years 2000.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuSPRu4lzag

AIR - SING SANG SUNG

In the meantime I am OK; still thinking what has to happen now, but ideas and inspiration will come. Help me get the courage to face the future !!

IT'S A CHALLENGE

This week was the first week in my job. I was dead nervous when I started my job. Last week I met my staff and I was not convinced that I would have a click with all of them. Some of them are much older than I am; do they accept me as their manager ?

I started with some practical things; like starting up my computer, make some basic arrangements with my secretary and made up some small talk with every person I met. We went together to lunch, which was also a positive thing to meet people.

On Tuesday I started personal talks of half an hour with members of my staff; just about what they are doing, how they feel about what they are doing and how they see their position within my new organisation. This was a lot of information which I somehow had to place into the big picture.

Tuesday was also the day of the big interruption of train traffic around Utrecht. A hot day and not being able to get back to home has cost me a lot of energy. I had dinner in a restaurant in Utrecht and after an adventurous trip back with stopovers in Gouda and Rotterdam I finally arrived home in The Hague at 22.15. So there was not much left of my day.

Wednesday and Thursday were very hot and everybody was working half force. I met again the second man of the organisation and had a pleasant talk. He convinced me that I am welcome in the organisation and that I am capable to do the tasks assigned to me. It still is a challenge; surely with my history.

As a gay man I still do not feel safe in the organisation. There are a lot of muslims and hindus working and some of them even wear headscarves (even in my own staff) and those are known not to be the most tolerant against gays. Sometimes I feel strong if my rights might be violated, but I do not want to battle. They have to accept me as much as I accept them. Coming out is still too risky, but I do not want to hide it either.

I started to get more acquainted to Dutch immigration law, because I feel that it is necessary to become accepted by the staff, which totally consists of lawyers and specialists. Specialists always still look down upon generalists - but OK, this is their problem; I see the bigger picture. Next week I finally hope to meet my new director; he seems to be charismatic but difficult to get in contact with. Next week more info.

TIRED

Today I went to Utrecht to meet my new colleagues in the last work meeting under the presidency of my predecessor; those people I am supposed to manage the next year. A lot of information came my way and I was focused on understanding what they were all talking about and I quickly lost track.

And there it was again; can I manage ? am I not falling in the same traps as in previous years ? am I capable enough ? STOP !!; this is not helping - STAY CALM AND IT WILL BE OK !! It is not necessary to understand it all at this stage. Luckily nobody noticed anything; also something I have learned over the years ...

CHANGING THE FLOOR

As I wrote before I finally decided to throw out my carpet and to introduce a wooden floor in the whole apartment; a major job I required the help of my father for. At first instance I wanted the wooden floor to have more possibilities to rent out the apartment but now I have decided to stay in Holland after all, I can enjoy it myself.

Such a major job also helps you to clean out your house, the more because I wanted the new floor in my whole apartment. Books were rearranged (and man what a lot of books I have !), cupboards were cleaned, furniture was shifted to other rooms etc. A fresh start in a fresh new house.

After three days of hard work (from 9 until 9) we still did not finish the job; we were so fed up with it we had to quit and to postpone the final two rooms to later this week. My father did the measuring and the sawing; I did (most of) the clicking of the laminate and the sticking of the skirthing-board (or in Dutch "plint"; a much nicer and practical word). Before we actually found out what the most convenient and practical way of going forward was, there was some frustration about the little progress.

After a break of two weeks we finally finished the job. And I am very pleased with the final result. Only downside: I have got a nasty rash which is not going away; maybe it is linked with some glue or other substance I am allergic to. I hope this is going away in the near future; otherwise we have a new problem to deal with.

To give you some impression of the final result:

TOUR THROUGH GERMANY

The last week I made a small tour through Germany after visiting friends in Kiel in Northern Germany. It is already quite a number of years ago when I made for the last time a road trip (was it Norway or Ireland ?) and now I remember how enjoyable it is. Windows open, relaxed attitude, nice weather, go as you please. What do you want else ? And in Germany the prices for food and lodging are very reasonable.

As a half-German I feel very much at home in Germany and I do speak the language. That helps ! It was interesting to see how much Eastern Germany has changed after the fall of The Mauer; it is not recognisable as a former socialist republic anymore.

Cities I visited: Ratzeburg, Luneburg, Celle, Goslar, Quedlinburg, Stolberg. Especially advisable a day-tour through the Harz-area in Middle-Germany (Lower-Saxony, Saxony-Anhalt); beautiful area not overrun by tourists. OK, that was the local tourist office ! To get you into the mood, some images. Tip: Visit Quedlinburg - magical fairy tale city in former East Germany.

NEW PROGRAMME FOR THE CITY

A small update of my political activities, which were also progressing in the last couple of weeks. In a small working group we managed to get the necessary input for the democracy and administration section of the programme of "my" political party for the local elections in March 2010. Still far away but in fact it is only 9 months in which we have to harvest the electional gains of the European elections of June 4th.

I wrote down my main points in a small document and forwarded it to my fellow working group members and I can say that the core of this document was finally sent to the committee which is drafting the text of the programme. On Saturday we have to defend it before this committee; first signs were that they are pleased with the input in such a short time.

Some of our main suggestions:

- every citizen of The Hague must be treated as equal individuals and not as member of a group (family, religion, ethnic or sexual minority); respect for the individual character of the other is a leading principle;

- there is the possibility to introduce an advising referendum on city level and a citizen poll in a specific part of the city, in which has to take into consideration the balance between the costs and the effects of a referendum;

- religion is a private matter; the city should not finance religious organisations in their religious activities;

- less regulation and bureaucracy on local level, but promotion of social awareness;

- the city should actively work on the international profile of the city of The Hague;

These are specific also my points because I think they are essential to make The Hague a dynamic city with diversity. Let's see what the others think.

CHANGE OF PLANS

Last week I informed you that I finally had made the decision to leave The Netherlands and go abroad. Just two weeks later the message that I have accepted a job offer in Utrecht in the heart of The Netherlands. I feel a little bit like a windvane, going along with every wind. But I am convinced that I am not doing justice to myself by doing so.

Just one day after taking the decision to go abroad I received an invitation for a job interview and I decided to go; let's just see what happens - at least I have got free coffee. It went fine - I felt very relaxed and sailed through the interview. A second interview went also fine and so the third. And then I received the job offer and I had to decide what to do: stick to my original plans or take the job offer. I have decided to do the latter and to keep my plans to move abroad in my head and go on with the preparation.

So, I still have to get used to the idea to stay. Somehow it frightens me; is it still the best decision - will I not make the same mistakes as in the past ? But OK; I did not give my soul away and every decision can be reversed. So let's enjoy the fact that I will receive some money in the near future and can be productive in a job. Utrecht here I come again.

As of 15 August 2009 I will be programme manager at an institute for multicultural affairs in Utrecht, mainly financed by the government; a combination of networking, managerial and legal tasks - I think a good combination. I will step in at roughly the same salary level as I left my last employer; more than I could expect.

Now it is time to relax. I will visit a friend in Germany who will become 50 later this month and add a couple of days making a trip through Eastern and Northern Germany. Furthermore my father is going to help me fix a new wooden floor in my apartment in two weeks. That makes my apartment easier to rent out ... in a year or so.